Stephen Sondheim
Ladies in Their Sensitivities
[JUDGE TURPIN, spoken]
Walk home with me, for I have news for you. In order to shield her from the evils of this world, I have decided to marry Johanna next Monday. 

[BEADLE, spoken]
Ah, sir, happy news, indeed!

[JUDGE TURPIN, spoken]
Strange—when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance. 

[BEADLE]
Excuse me, my lord
May I request, my lord
Permission, my lord, to speak?
Forgive me if I suggest, my lord
You're looking less than your best, my lord
There's powder upon your vest, my lord
And stubble upon your cheek
And ladies, my lord, are weak
Ladies in their sensitivities, my lord
Have a fragile sensibility
When a girl's emergent
Probably it's urgent
You defer to her gent-
Ility, my lord
Personal disorder cannot be ignored
Given their genteel proclivities
Meaning no offense, it
Happens they resents it
Ladies in their sensit-
Ivities, my lord
[JUDGE TURPIN, spoken]
Stubble, you say? Perhaps at times I am a little over-hasty with my morning ablutions...

[BEADLE]
Fret not, though, my lord
I know a place, my lord
A barber, my lord, of skill
Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord
Some eau de cologne to brace my lord
And musk to enhance the chase, my lord
You'll dazzle the girl until

[JUDGE TURPIN, spoken]
Until?

[BEADLE]
She bows to your every will

[JUDGE TURPIN, spoken]
Perhaps you may be right. Take me to him.