Stephen Sondheim
One Wonderful Day
[DINO]
Helen and Gene

[ALL]
Helen and Gene
Gene and Helen
Helen and Gene—

[MILDRED, spoken]
Don't sing that before the wedding—it's bad luck. 

[DINO, spoken]
Okay, then—
(sung)
Happy birthday to you

[ALL]
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Helen and Gene
Happy birthday to you!

Helen and Gene are gonna get married
Gonna get married, gonna get married
Helen and Gene are gonna get married—
Isn't it wonderful?
[CELESTE]
One wonderful day
Wonderful things can happen
In a wonderful way!
Wonderful girl meets wonderful boy
What a wonderful chance to start a life
Full of wonder and joy!

One wonderful day
Somebody wonderful sweeps
All your worries away!
If the feeling's mutual
Then the future will
Burst into song
And it's one wonderful day all year long!

[ARTIE]
Let's have a party!

[DINO]
Congratulations!

[RAY]
I wish you luck and prosperity!

[HANK]
I wish you hearty felicitations!
[MILDRED]
I wish that someone would marry me

[BOBBY]
Don't do it, Gene
Don't do it, Gene
Love, with a spouse, is a household routine
Then, when you're through
What can you do?
Can't send a dame home
Who lives in the same home
As you!

One horrible day
You will wake up to find
You're in a horrible way!
You will be married, you will be caught!
Every day you'll come home
And she'll be there—
What a horrible thought!

One night on a swing
May make a casual affair a permanent thing!
If you can't keep casual
Then she has you all
Ready to hook
And it's one horrible day—
I can't look!
[CELESTE]
Pay no attention
To Mr. Smarty
He's full of beans and banana oil
He'll throw a wrench in
This lovely party
So just ignore him, don't let him spoil
This glorious—

[BOBBY]
Terrible—

[CELESTE]
Victorious—

[BOBBY]
Unbearable—

[CELESTE]
Uproarious—

[BOBBY]
Irreparable—

[CELESTE]
Uxorious—

[BOBBY, spoken]
Uxorious?

[CELESTE]
Uxorious
Occasion!

[ALL]
One wonderful day
Wonderful things can happen
In a wonderful way!
Wonderful girl meets wonderful boy
What a wonderful chance to start
A life full of wonder and joy!

One wonderful day
Somebody wonderful sweeps
All your worries away!
If the feeling's mutual
Then the future will
Burst into song
And it's one wonderful day
One marvelous day
One beautiful day
One glorious day
One wonderful day all year long!