Stephen Sondheim
”You have a good third husband, Joanne”
[ROBERT, spoken]
You have a good third husband, Joanne. He’s a good man. Anyway, thank you for the evening. I'm glad | joined you. I was really feeling low... really depressed. I drank, but you really put it away tonight. The last several times we've gotten together, I’ve had shameful hangovers... abominable. We may be doing permanent damage — you think of that? | don’t know what to think of the fact that you only drink with me... That is, not unflattering, I guess. No. I hope I don’t depress you. We have good times and it’s a hoot, yeah? Whatever you say

What are you looking at, Joanne? It’s my charisma, huh? Well, stop looking at my charisma

[JOANNE, spoken]
When are we gonna make it?

[ROBERT, spoken]
I beg your pardon?

[JOANNE, spoken]
When are we going to make it?

[ROBERT, spoken]
What's wrong with now?

[JOANNE, spoken]
There’s my place. It’s free tomorrow after two. Larry goes to his gym, then right to the office. Don't talk. Don’t do your folksy routine with me. You're a terribly attractive man. The kind of man most women want and never seem to get. I'll take care of you

[ROBERT, spoken]
But who will I take care of?

[JOANNE, spoken]
Well, did you hear yourself? Did you hear what you just said, kiddo?
[ROBERT, spoken]
I didn't mean that

[JOANNE, spoken]
Oh, I just heard a door open that's been stuck a long time

[ROBERT, spoken]
Like I haven't looked at all that?

[LARRY, spoken]
Well, the check is paid... What's wrong?

[ROBERT, spoken]
Because I have looked at that—at marriages and all that—and whaddya get for it? Whaddya get?

[LARRY, spoken]
What happened?

[JOANNE, spoken]
I just did someone a big favor. C'mon, Larry, let's go home

[ROBERT, spoken]
Whaddya get?

[COMPANY]
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
[AMY]
Baby

[COMPANY]
Bobby

[PAUL]
Bubbi

[COMPANY]
Bobby

[SUSAN]
Robert, darling

[COMPANY]
Bobby

(the following lines overlap)

[DAVID]
We’ve been trying to call you

[COMPANY]
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
Bobby
[AMY]
Baby

[PAUL]
Bubi

[SARAH]
Angel, I’ve got something to tell you

[HARRY]
Bob

[LARRY]
Rob-O

[JOANNE]
Robby, love

[SUSAN]
Bobby, honey

[AMY & PAUL]
Bobby, we’ve been trying to reach you all day

[SARAH]
Angel

[HARRY]
Bobby

[JOANNE]
Darling

[PETER]
Bobby baby

[SUSAN]
Robert

[DAVID & JENNY]
The kids were asking

[JOANNE]
Robby

[PETER]
Bob-O

[LARRY & JOANNE]
Bobby, there was something we wanted to say

[AMY]
Sweetheart

[SUSAN]
Sugar

[PAUL]
Bubi

[PETER]
What have you been up to, kiddo?

[DAVID & JENNY]
Your line was busy

(end of lines overlapping)

[ROBERT, spoken]
STOP!
Whaddya get?