Stephen Sondheim
Cookie Speech
[Spoken]

[Faye:]
Not! That. Word
Nor any word like it. "Cookies," Schub, that's what my charges are, cookies from the cookie jar. My name is Apple, A-double P-L-E, a fruit well-mentioned in the bible, that bestseller of many miracles. I cite the ten commandments and the burning bush, to mention only two

- Or eleven, depending upon your arithmetic
I make them add up to zero because I personally am for the miracles of man, such as the wheel, the alphabet, and thе pyramids of Egypt! Now, why do I want my cookies to take your waters, I'll tеll you why. Because my cookies are people, Schub; they are human beings and they are to be treated as such and have the same rights as everyone else. So you both can bloody well let them dip into that leaking drain pipe

If you don't, I'm not saying I'll go to the police because I am no fool, nor will I go to the mayoress because she is, but this is a free town in a free county, in a free state in a free country, and I am a free woman with a free mouth, and if you say "no" to my cookies I will open up that mouth and talk! And I am telling you here and now that when I talk, I talk loooooong! Aaaaaaand! Loooooooooud!

[Trumpet flare]