[Verse 1]
Hetty said, "If you ask me nicely
I'll write you up well, don't tell me twice
Or quote you directly or pay the price
I'll peel off your skin like a thin veneer
If something tells me something that I didn't hear from you"

[Refrain]
Who's got the dope?
Who's got the potential?
Hetty O'Hara Confidential

[Verse 2]
Those were different days
Those were different drugs
From a gold-plated palace with the half-mast flags
To a chalk lined body that was full of slugs
She was trading favors for footnote plugs
Who's got the needlе?
Who is fit to burst?
A morphine tattoo, an unquenchable thirst
Who's got your girlfriend?
And who had her first?

[Refrain]
Reading her column was essential
Hetty O'Hara Confidential
[Bridge 1]
She could kill a man with a single stroke
She is not the one you want to provoke
If you can't take the heat or you can't take a joke

[Refrain]
Who's got the dope?
Who's got the potential?
Hetty O'Hara Confidential

[Verse 3]
If there was a gentleman caller to a comely wench
And a snooping peeper in a coat of trench
She'd place a line or two at the foot of the page
A cue or a clue to the latest rage
With your true dimensions and your actual age
Trade a life of scandal for a career on the stage

[Refrain]
These little things seem inconsequential
Except to Hetty O'Hara Confidential

[Verse 4]
On the night he came home from the debutante ball
Passed out drunk on the bathroom floor
Call-girl called after taking a peek
At the secret drawer of atomic secrets
Repeating something that I whispered about
They have to take it but they can't dish it out
[Bridge 2]
Who's cleaning up his act and breaking the bank?
But unfortunately didn't remember to thank me
But now the rumor is doing the rounds
That his only friends are villains and scoundrels

[Verse 5]
Her reputation curled like yellow smoke
She named the wrong man in the story she broke
She had an unfortunate character trait
The irresistible impulse to assassinate

[Refrain]
But the damage it did was quite substantial to
Hetty O'Hara Confidential

[Verse 6]
They've got witch trials now with witches to spare
And a jukebox jury full of judgement and fury
With bright neon dresses and porn star hair

She was thrown to the wolves and the dogs and the foxes
Once they'd had their fill of shares and stocks
Their gaze is unforgiving if your morals are lax
Pointing manicured fingers and making a mockery
With voices that sound like broken crockery
Hetty said, "I'm powerless and I feel alone
Now everyone has a megaphone"

[Refrain]
Who's got the dope?
Who's got the potential?
Hetty O'Hara Confidential