I ran into my pastor at a gay bar
Let me tell you, he looked so bizarre
In fishnets instead of a suit

I ran into my dad's girlfriend named Pam
At a strip club with fives jammed
In every place you can imagine

All these things keep happening to me
And every time it's all so confusing
I just wanna be left alone
Please don't make me leave my home
Small towns don't forgive

I ran into my grandma at a sex store
I always thought she was such a bore
No wonder she's always so tired

I ran into an old one-night stand
Asked if I had any big plans
I'm whipping and gagging your mom

All these things keep happening to me
And every time it's all so confusing
I just wanna be left alone
Please don't make me leave my home
Small towns don't forgive

Although I wish it wasn't the case
Everyone's always in my face
Don't tell on me, I won't tell on you
Together we can make it through
Small towns don't forgive