[Verse 1]
Have you ever seen an idealist
With gray hairs on his head?
Or successful men that keep in touch
With unsuccessful friends?
You only think you do
I could have sworn I saw it, too
But as it turns out
It was just a clever ad for cigarettes

[Chorus]
'Cause if it isn't making dollars
Then it isn't making sense
If you aren't moving units
Then you're not worth the expense
If you really want to make it
You had best remember this:
If it isn't penetration
Then it isn't worth a kiss

[Verse 2]
"We're so sorry, sir
But you did not quite make the cut this time
And we'd appreciate it
If you cleared your stuff on out by five
Don't take it personal
Everyone knows you did your best
If it makes it easier
You should look at it from our perspective"
[Chorus]
'Cause if it isn't making dollars
Then it isn't making sense
If you aren't moving units
Then you're not worth the expense
If you really want to make it
You had best remember this:
If it isn't penetration
Then it isn't worth a kiss