[Verse 1]
Well now, friends you'll never guess it, so I really must confess it
I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life
But a friend of mine said, "Buddy, just in case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're foolin' with is Peg-leg Johnson's wife?
And that man is big and tough and mean and grim
And he'll brain you with his artificial limb"

[Verse 2]
But next morning bright and early, I stole old Peg-leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter, 'cause he started hoppin' after
And I keep on runnin' faster, but he won't give up the chase
And I'm runnin' through the mountains with his bride
And I got his wooden leg here by my side

[Chorus]
I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'cross the country by a one-legged fool
Though he's hoppin', and he's floppin', and he shows no signs of stoppin'
I'll tell you boys, this life is hard and cruel

[Verse 3]
'Cross the deserts and the valleys and those dark Chicago alleys
'Cross the mighty Mississippi to the hills of Caroline
Through the mountains of Montana and the swamps of Lou'siana
Every time that I look back, he's just one foot behind
And I know he must be cold and wet and sick
But in spite of all his woes he can kick
[Chorus]
I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'cross the country by a one-legged fool
Though he's hoppin', and he's floppin', and he shows no signs of stoppin'
I'll tell you boys, this life is hard and cruel

[Verse 4]
Now, he's ragged, and he's filthy, and I'm feelin' kinda guilty
'Specially in the evenin' when I hear him plead and beg
He says, "In spite of all your stealin', friend, I bear you no hard feelin'
You can keep the derned old woman, but please give me back my leg
For although the leg you meant to take was wooden
In the dark by mistake you took my good 'un"

[Chorus]
I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'cross the country by a one-legged fool
Though he's hoppin', and he's floppin', and he shows no signs of stoppin'
I'll tell you boys, this life is hard and cruel