[Verse 1: Bart Baker as Adam Levine, Anthony Rutowicz as Bandmate #1]
I'm Adam Levine
I’m a huge star
These are my bandmates
No one cares who we are
We all got dressed up
Put on nice clothes
To make the world's most self-loving video yey

[Pre-Chorus 1: Adam Levine, Aron Reuben Korney as Band Manager]
My ego needs attention so much
So, me and Maroon 5 just show up
Who cares if we're invited to play?
Go to sleep
We’ll just plug all our instruments in
In the middle of your reception
Who cares if we ruin your big day?

[Chorus 1: Adam Levine, Brittney Smith as Bride #1, RomanAtwood as Groom #1, Bride #1's Dad]
You're so, lucky!
Cuz you get to see us play for free
You ruined our wedding!
Make it stop your voice is so piercing!
I want you jerks out of here and make it quick!
You disfigured my daughter's face you prick!
That went great, indeed
Now let's go on to the next wedding
[Verse 2: Adam Levine, Alex Farnham as Bandmate #2, L.E. Doug Staiman as Bandmate #3]
All of our songs sound exactly the same
This one is no exception it's stale and lame
We're only famous cuz chicks think he's hot
If you think it's cuz our music’s good it’s not

[Pre-Chorus 2: Adam Levine, Band Manager]
But radio plays us constantly
And my face is always on TV
So there's really no way to escape
Do not move
This will be the best day of their lives
Not because they’ll become man and wife
But because they'll see me drop the drape

[Chorus 2: Adam Levine, Howard Cai as Groom #2, Jen Yim as Bride #2]
I'm here! You're blessed!
To have your wedding in my presence
This song is so bad
That it’s making us all puke and crap! Ugh
Okay boys we've made their day, it's time to go
Thank you we're glad you enjoyed the show
Someone help my Dad!
911, send an ambulance fast!

[Bridge: Adam Levine, Gsnaps as Street Lady #1, Tiffany Tynes as Street Lady #2]
Here come some female fans
They wanna take some pics
Ew dude get off of me!
Who the hell are these suited dicks?
I'm such a sexy man, women can not resist
Tiffany tase his ass
That's what you get for the duck lips
Now let's drop the final drape and blow everyone away
These chicks are gonna lose their shit
They won't believe it's really
[Chorus 3: Adam Levine, Amanda Hosler as Bride #3, Bandmate #2]
Adam! Levine!
Yes that's right people it's really me
No god, please, stop playing
Everybody's heads are exploding! Ahh!
Boys we're totally killing
Sadly you're right, we've killed like everyone here tonight
They all love me
So why isn't anyone clapping?