Dan Bull
Nerd vs. Veteran Rap Battle
[Verse 1: Dan Bull]
Hey, mister!
I understand you want to date my sister
Well, I'd rather see her with a hipster or a vagrant drifter
Take your blistered hands away you savage ape, resist her (right)
She needs a guy who plays Risk, not games of Twister

[Verse 2: Drew Hernandez]
(Ah)
The animosity offered with no apology
Don't bite the hand that protects your freedom and democracy, bro
So check it out, 'cause I'm asking for some respect
You don't want to see what happens when I get upset
So come correct

[Verse 3: Dan Bull]
Defeat me?
You don't have the brains to beat me
I'll sneak in and steal all your regions discreetly
I'm on the cutting edge of modern technology
You're the missing link in evolutionary biology (ah)

[Verse 4: Drew Hernandez]
OK, I see you're a little upset, little Timmy
The world ain't fair and life is a little fibby
You better stand at attention if you trying to smack talk
Attack you like a Black Hawk and make you want to back off
[Verse 5: Dan Bull]
In the future, battle will happen through computers
No boots on the ground or troops to be found
So where does that leave you, sir?
At the back of the queue with no notable skills
'Cause no employer's going to call you for your total kills
You're not even worth the phone call bills, while my own ability in coding more than makes up for my lack of social skills
I'm too busy planning to get out there yet (right)
One day my brain power's going to pay your welfare check

[Verse 6: Drew Hernandez]
All praise General Mattis with the CHAOS
I got the VA, GI Bill, everything paid off
Traveled the world five times, you never left your basement
But that's who you become when you a nerdy kid gaming
Welcome to my world, small arms fire's a given
No kidding, I beat my enemies to submission
You wouldn't stand a chance even behind computers
I'm trained for cyberattacks so everything you do is useless

[Verse 7: Dan Bull]
I'm practiced in strategy and tactics
You couldn't even find this planet with an atlas
I run circles around you with my pinky fingertips
You better call a medic 'cause this lyric's going to sting a bit
[Verse 8: Drew Hernandez]
Medic! Medic!
Nobody here to save you
Call a Medevac but they're too busy for a player 2
You coming in broke and unreadable, maybe speak up
Ruck a mile in my boots, you wouldn't even keep up

[Verse 9: Dan Bull]
I don't need to leave the house
I don't even leave the couch
I can eat pizza and stream TV with my keyboard and mouse
Anyone can dress up like Vin Diesel and shout
Fix your posture, soldier, you're beginning to slouch
But can you think strategically?
Make a million quick decisions immediately?
These superior brain cells deal with it easily (eh-heh)
See the map from high above, my whole perspective risen
Unlike you I don't follow orders - I give them

[Verse 10: Drew Hernandez]
Knife hands so sharp, better move out the way
My group so tight I get expert for days
M4 50 cal, boy you better step up
Skull drag you all over this house so you never get up
I'm a trained professional, so what do I call this?
I'm the bicep to freedom, and you're the armpit
Fair warning, I'm coming to conquer all
The nerds are about to fall and I'm yelling Geronimo (geronimo)
[Verse 11: Dan Bull]
So you've got a girlfriend, big deal
I can hug my body pillow while my mom brings meals
But can you occupy a territory or make alliances
How can you research weapons, you don't even know what science is
Winning takes diplomacy, experience and vision
And my intuition says you're lacking in precision
So what you could beat me in the physical domain
While you're out I'll sit and take your city in the game
So you'll be out fighting wars while I'm writing treaties
But I'm not even sure if we're the same species
You're all brawn and no brains
GI Joe with a strong chest
I'm already legendary
Immortal Conquest

[Verse 12: Drew Hernandez]
You deal microtransactions with fast satisfaction
I'm smashing your faction with pinpointed action
My cavalry, infantry, archers and mages are led by the gods from all of the ages
I'll sweep down upon you from high in the sky
You're way too late, nerd, I'm taking Delphi

[Outro: Dan Bull]
You think this is game over?
I say no sir!
I'll take over your Humvee with my Range Rover
While you're out celebrating
I'll be here delegating
Planning, deliberating, conquering and elevating
My armies are in motion and you're barely out the door
I let you win the battle
So I could win the war