Attention, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Professor Elemental recommends
My lecture, meant for special friends
Attend my adventure to the very end

My quest was risky, my role was odd
I set out for the mystic golden frog!
It was the stuff of legends
Said to give the bearer a glimpse of Heaven
Plus, it was quite shiny, so in preparation

First I drew a map from my imagination
Packed my battenberg and my absinthe, marmoquin
Blunderbuss, and my collapsing magic staff!
Plus a tea-pot and some proper grey
Stoke the fire, set the bellows
Come on fellows, chocks away!

AH-HAH! To find the frog...

HEY YOU!
Pack your bags, it's time to trip
With the good Professor so ride the ship
Exotic dancer third, then scientist
Explorer first, so I enlist...
YOU!

Pack your bags, it's time to trip
With the good Professor so ride the ship
Exotic dancer third, then scientist
But explorer first...

Week one:
Crash-landed near Tanzania
Surrounded by savages in rabbit ears
Before you could say 'My good man, how queer'
I held aloft my magic spear!
'In the name of the empire, bring me the frog'!
Amazingly, they made me their king or their god
I didn't think this was odd until we got to the volcano
Hotter than my stage show, time for me to lay low!

Week two:
I used my string to tie bamboo poles
A useful thing, I roll in to surf the rising tide
I feel alive like a viking, time to ride to the ship
In a storm, how exciting!
Let's take to the skies with the power of lightning!

Launch the nets Geoffery!
It's going to be a rough ride...

HEY YOU!
Pack your bags, it's time to trip
With the good Professor so ride the ship
Exotic dancer third, then scientist
Explorer first, so I enlist...
YOU!

Week three:
No closer to finding the frog
But I had an absinthe party
With the Munchkins of Oz!
No trouble to come in to land
For opium, tea and mushrooms in Wonderland

And this is something grand
From London to Australia, my cunning plan
Was completely and utterly unsuccessful
So I left to go settle back at home with my kettle

For the rest I need
You'll never guess what was hiding under the settee!
Yes! It's the frog! Oh, pardon me
I forgot, I won it in a wager last week!