[Round 1: James Corden]
Dr. Phil is very famous and he has a huge reach
If you live in a trailer and you have no teeth
He's made millions of dollars and that seems unfair
He can buy whatever he wants, except for hair
If you're next to Dr. Phil, you've messed up your life
I don't know who I feel worse for, your guests or your wife
I respect Phil's career, it's too hard to pass
I'm surprised you can rap with your head up Oprah's ass

[Round 1: Dr. Phil]
"Head up Oprah's ass," James? Is that all?
'Specially from a troll that licks Jimmy Kimmel's balls
You're on 12:30, I've built an empire
Hell, you're only seen by meth-heads and vampires
Now you're in everything, imagine that luck
A dozen TV shows, and all of them suck
I feel bad, so here's some therapy for free
Who hurt you, James? Oh, right, it was me!

[Round 2: James Corden]
Dr. Dre has helped more patients than you in his life
At least "smoke weed every day" is legitimate advice
You called me a troll as if your look is flawless
You're like a white Steve Harvey mixed with a walrus
"Is Phil a real doctor?" That question is silly
Got his PhD from Texas, so no, not really
I'm impressed by your show, but won't tell you it's great
I don't want you to get a big head; whoops, too late
[Round 2: Dr. Phil]
You just had a baby; is that really true?
I was just about to ask when YOU were due!
You're a big producer and a huge loser
Only dude I know puts burgers in a juicer
You voiced Peter Rabbit, casting was edgy
You played a bunny, you've never seen a veggie
You've gotta stop eating to help your midsection
This ain't no rap battle, James, it's a fucking intervention!

[Round 3: James Corden]
There's a show based on your life and that's left me unsettled
Fitting, it's called Bull, because that's all you've ever peddled
And you're making fat jokes, that's a bit dodgy
Your head weighs more than my entire body
And who designed that noggin? I've got a question for them
It's like they put a mustache on a peanut M&M
Calling Dr. Phil out now has become my duty
When I watch daytime TV, I ride for Judge Judy

[Round 3: Dr. Phil]
Your toes are lost and completely out of reach
Your mama named you James, shoulda called you Giant Peach
I'm the doctor here, let's get you fixed up
Who you mad at, your daddy or sit-ups?
You're so unlikable, it's truly alarming
Shit, you even make Piers Morgan seem charming
"Unfunny British shtick" must be your niche
'Cause you just got bodied by Dr. Phil, bitch!