[Verse 1]
Yup! Steps up to the plate
Little brother, Little League, '87—he was 8
Rookie season for the skinny slugger newly out of T-ball
Pit against a pitcher with a ripper you could eat off
Church, then a grip of loons run to third first
Granny yelling, "Go Cubs!", nose in her word-search
Seen MILFs like apes on a monolithic bleacher
Into advocating war and peace in lieu of sport and leisure
"Hi, Peggy!" I was 10, chewing on a Sweet Tart
Little brother, left field, queen's guard, mean arm
Knees bent, two out, two on bags
When I caught him staring down at something moving through the grass
Hold up; tagged runner, and the whole cast rotate
Not before he could identify the culprit
Granny yelling, "Go Cubs!" Graham yelling, "Gopher!"
New left fielder give a fuck about a homer
Got a homie, little rodent, head and shoulders out his hovel
No baseball in the bubble, ruh-roh
Parents thought it adorable, the players followed suit
Inning crawling to a close, head coach not amused
Coach seeing red, coach on the diamond
Dragging 27 inches of aluminum behind him
When he transverse third, the families turn nervous
The following is a transcript of "Man vs. Vermin"
Here we go: man stands out by a hole
Pest pops up to patrol
Man plays live Whac-a-Mole
In a scene that would try every child as adults
Whoa, pall-bore with a ball mitt
Thrown over the fence, coach hit the bench
Both teams lose, "Good game, good game"
Granny yelling "Go Cubs!" Cubs ain't playing
[Bridge 1]
My little brother is a funny dude
A lot of funny shit happened to him
My other brother pretty funny, too
Ain't seen him in a minute, though

[Hook]
The one, the— Th—Th—The one, the—
Th—The one, the— The one, the two, the three
Just in case of rough waters
I want to put one up for my brothers
Th—The one, the— Th—Th—The one, the—
Th—The one, the— The one, the—the two, the three
Just in case of rough waters
I want to put one up for my brothers

[Verse 2]
Yup! Not a part of the machine
Big brother, big idea, '9-0, 16
Neubauten tee, plaid flannel-laden, adolescent art kid
Tony Hawk hair, Skinny Puppy denim
And a record player vomiting Alien Sex Fiend, Peel Sessions
In a Christian home for field testing
It's real youth in the palm of your hand
When your mom thinks Satan is involved in a band
We were buried in the Village Voice, checking who was playing where
Pulled his head up out the paper, pushing out a single tear
Five words, like a beacon of light in the mist:
"Ministry live at the Ritz"
It was "Christ Has Risen" to Chris, three loaves, two fish
Miracle of mechanized loops on two-inch
Coming to a theater—he would be there in the flesh
Moms didn't say "No," but she didn't say "Yes"
Cop tickets—ah, the plot thickens
Countdown to ultimate concert experience
Ma still wary: "And why are they called Ministry?
Are they a cult?" Maybe she would probably investigate
Bought a mag with an Al Jourgensen interview
Read a couple sentences, glanced at a pic or two or three
That's all—no fair trial
Simply, "You will not be going to the show, and that's final!"
What occurred next were the top of the lungs
Of a son who, unjustly, had lost what he loved
In a moment that would transcend anger to high art
Said, "This is something I am willing to die for!"
Can you even imagine?
A death in the fam from industrial fandom?
Anyway, no body count, no concert
And Chris kicked rocks in his mismatched Converse
[Bridge 2]
My older brother is a funny dude
A lot of funny shit happened to him
We hadn't spoken in a couple moons
I called him last night: "How you doing?"

[Hook]
The one the— Th—Th—The one, the—
Th—The one, the— the two, the three
Just in case of rough waters
I want to put one up for my brothers
Th—The one, th— The one, the
The one, the— th—the— the two— two, the three

Just in case of rough waters
I want to put one up for my brothers

[Outro]
The one the— Th—Th—The one, the—
Th—The one, the— the two, the three