[Intro: Max Bemis]
Cool and collected, and I mean it this time!

[Verse 1: Max Bemis]
You botched her nut a jillion times
Now she's gonna get herself off
It may require an army of balls
Lined up by height, styles to your eye
Shot up in the stall with Sodium Pentothal
Bend over, drop trou and cough
Tonight, she's gonna get herself off
You fucked her days in a billion ways
She's gonna get herself off
Chuckled, "Max, my wife has a crush"
Like on- Like on me? Well, that's uncomfortable
Puking off the side of a cruise ship ridе
Being dumped three times, daily grind
Confusеd to see you don't cheat on a DuPree
Now she's gonna get herself off on me

[Chorus: Max Bemis and Sherri DuPree]
She shudders like an earthquake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
This Jew is finna vibrate
(I'm gonna get myself off)
Enraptured by her milkshake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
I'm the luckiest vibrator in the trough
To help her get herself off
Uh-huh, uh-huh
Uh-huh, huh, wooh!

[Verse 2]
A boy does what he must versus withering trust
That's the thin red line that couldn't make her bust
Sick of rutting in the depths of your ruts
When I was 16, having barely started a band
She received Chris Martin's kiss on her hand
All of you stanned the man with the gland
Now welcome to the clan!

[Chorus: Max Bemis and Sherri DuPree]
She shudders like an earthquake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
This Jew is finna vibrate
(I'm gonna get myself off)
Enraptured by her milkshake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
I'm the luckiest vibrator in the trough
To help her get herself off

[Verse 3: Brian Warren]
Love can't floss, awash in its sauce
She's gonna get herself off
Youse a bitch, youse a bitch, awash in your itch
Now she's gonna get herself off
Like the nation of dads that bruised her sad
She's gonna get herself off
Confused date rape for a dinner and a date
Well fuck you, now she's getting herself off
[Chorus: Max Bemis and Sherri DuPree]
She shudders like an earthquake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
This Jew is finna vibrate
(I'm gonna get myself off)
Enraptured by her milkshake
(I'm gonna get myself off)
I'm the luckiest vibrator in the trough
To help her get herself off

She's gonna get herself off
(She's gonna get herself off)
Yeah, she's gonna get herself off
(She's gonna get herself off)
She's gonna get herself off
(She's gonna get herself off)
She's gonna get herself off

[Outro: Sherri DuPree]
(I'm gonna get myself off)
(I'm gonna get myself off)