[J.R. Hayes]
Jason and I were on
Our way to see Iron Lung
When some bug-eyed stranger handed us
The Constitution

[J.R. Hayes & Jason Hodges]
We thought he was either
Insane or high
'Til a sniper on a rooftop
Killed the poor guy

[J.R. Hayes]
Before we knew it
We were under attack
By Dick Cheney
In his Halliburton jet pack

[J.R. Hayes & Jason Hodges]
We ran for our lives
Straight into the clutches of the FBI
But we were rescued
By the actor Michael Ironside

[J.R. Hayes]
He explained the whole
Cloak and dagger scheme
He called in the Swedish
Lesbian commando team
[J.R. Hayes]
After the final battle
In the Illuminati secret base
We had cow tongue tacos
From a food truck in Chevy Chase