[Verse 1]
Tommy stutters comically
When he says a lot of things
Mommy does the shopping
Daddy's digging through the laundry bins
He likes to try on mommy's things
With his hair up in her bobby pins
The neighbors very neighborly
Occasionally taking peeks at his neice while she takes a pee
I heard the plumbers found a finger when they fixed the basement leak

[Chorus]
So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, I love you

[Verse 2]
Old Mister Wilkenson killed a man
Drunk from the bar
Hit him with the front of his car
Drug him so far
There was nothing but parts
For hundreds of yards
Those thick damn power lines
Will drive you out your mind
Edna sits in the shower sometimes
For hours and cries
Whenever she forgets to tell Howard goodbye
[Chorus]
So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, I love you

[Bridge]
Smoking softly but
Mommy's body shook
Dropped the coffee cup
I guess the coffee wasn't strong enough
Becca was a quiet girl
Behind the wheel
With a mouth full of diet pills
A couple beers
And some stuff for your sinuses
Dancing in the fire
Smashing all of the appliances
The psychiatrist said, the Zoloft had some side effects

[Chorus]
So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Middle America, I love you
Pick up your phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong
Miss America, I love you
[Outro]
There are people who sit and wait their lives away on the promise of a dream that will not come
They are the sheep, but here are also many, many more like us
Will not be pushed around