[ORIN]
When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun
I'd poison guppies and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said:

[CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON, spoken]
What did she say?

[ORIN]
She said, "My boy, I think some day
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay!"

[ORIN & (CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON)]
You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causing things pain (Pain!)
Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less

[ORIN & CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON]
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success
[RONETTE]
Here he is, folks, the leader of the plaque

[CHIFFON]
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh my God!

[CRYSTAL]
He's a dentist and he'll never, ever be any good

[CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON]
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh, that hurts!
I'm not numb!

[ORIN]
Aw, shut up. Open wide - here I come!

[ORIN & (CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON)]
I am your dentist (Dentist, goodness gracious)
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I am your dentist (Fitting braces)
And I get off on the pain I inflict (You really love it)
When I start extracting those molars (Don't try it)
You girls will be screaming like holy rollers
[CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON]
Dentist!

[ORIN & (CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON)]
And though it may cause my patients distress (Distress!)
Somewhere in Heaven above me, I know, I know that my mama's proud of me
'Cause I'm a dentist - and a success!

(spoken)
Say ah!

[CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON, spoken]
Ahh

[ORIN, spoken]
Say ah!

[CRYSTAL & RONETTE & CHIFFON, spoken]
Ahhh!

[ORIN]
Now... spit!