[GARETH]
(spoken)
Oi— you got a problem?

[PEASANT 1]
(spoken)
Nonono, your highness!

[MADELENA]
(spoken)
Well, you should! Gareth here just called your mother a whore!

[GARETH]
(spoken)
No, I... I did!

(sung)
She's a whore

[PEASANT 1]
Yup!

[GARETH]
A whore

[PEASANT 1]
Sure!
[GARETH]
Your mother is a whore!

[PEASANT 1]
She's the biggest freaking whore you've ever seen, before!

PEASANT 1'S MOTHER:
Yes it's so!

[GARETH]
What?

[PEASANT 1'S MOTHER]
Hello! I'm his mother!

[PEASANT 1]
And a ho!

[PEASANT 1'S MOTHER]
If your grace would have a go, just say the word!

[GARETH]
God! No!

[PEASANT 2]
Mine's a tramp and a harlot to the nth degree!
[PEASANT 3]
God forgive me my son but she'll put out for free!

[PEASANT 1]
Mines a slag!

[PEASANT 2]
Mines a wench!

[PEASANT 3]
Mine is both, and also French!

[PEASANTS]
She's a whore, God save the king!

[GARETH]
(spoken)
There's got to be someone here who I can insult! Someone? Anyone?

[MADELENA]
(spoken)
Oooh, him!

[PEASANT 4]
She's a *bleep*!
[GARETH]
What?

[PEASANT 4]
A *bleep*!

[MADELENA]
Eww!

[PEASANT 4]
My mother is a *bleep* you!
Your highness might have *bleep* like the *bleep* in!

[PEASANT 4]
Mine will *bleep*! I don't kid! Loves to *bleep* and always did!

[MADELENA]
Gross!

[GARETH]
You kiss her with that mouth?

[PEASANT 4]
No, that's an extra quid!

[GARETH]
Well your grandma—

[PEASANT 4]
A *bleep**bleep* from way back when!

[GARETH]
And your aunt?

[PEASANT 4]
She's a nun before she *bleep*s amen!

[PEASANTS]
And our wives? Total skanks of the very lowest ranks

[PEASANT 1]
Plus my dad is a whore!

[PEASANTS]
God save the king!

[MADELENA]
(spoken)
I don't believe this!

[GARETH]
(spoken)
Quick! The door! Fresh meat!

[GARETH]
Your mother is a *bleep*-ful and a *bleep* and *bleep*

[PEASANT 5]
Yes, I think she goes *bleep* until she *bleep* and *bleep*!

[MADELENA]
Ecch!

[GARETH]
Your mother goes *bleep* a *bleep*-ing all over the place!

[PEASANT 5]
Yes, she *bleep* *bleep* and *bleep* *bleep*, your grace!

[GARETH]
She's your mother *bleep**bleep*!

[PEASANT 5]
Sure, she loves to *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*!
Wait, and then she *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*
Up until she *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*

[GARETH]
Nooooo!

[PEASANT 5]
Yes, and then she *bleeeeeeeeeep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeeep*

[GARETH]
So--

[PEASANT 5]
Wait, she also *bleeeeeeeeeep*

[GARETH]
Just... wow!

[PEASANTS]
So they're whores!
Filthy whores!
All our mothers dirty whores!
No one's sluttier or smuttier!

[PEASANT 1]
Well, maybe yours!

[PEASANTS]
Utter tarts! Off the charts!

[PEASANT 5]
I left out the sickest parts!

[PEASANTS]
And we mean it from the bottom of our loyal hearts!
Though I love my dear mama more than anything!
Lord above, we can't disagree with you, our king!
Though they're bores, she's a whore!

[PEASANT 1'S MOTHER]
Wait, I'm actually a whore!

[PEASANTS]
What's more
You terrify us to the core!
So one more drink and out the door!
God save the king!

[MADELENA]
(spoken)
This is a disaster!