[Verse 1]
A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"
Bonedigger, Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Just Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore, no

[Chorus]
But if you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
And I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can, you can call me Al

[Verse 2]
Well, a man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
Now, whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model is gone?"
He's gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations, yeah, yeah
Yeah, no
[Chorus]
But if you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
And I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Oh yeah

[Interlude]

[Verse 3]
He said: I have seen the others
And I have discovered
That this fight is not worth fighting, no
And I've seen their mothers
And I will no other, to follow me where I'm going
So

[Verse 4]
Take a shower, and shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You're young men, you must be living
Go now, you are forgiven, yeah

[Chorus]
But if you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal, yeah, yeah
And I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
No, yeah, you can call me Al
[Outro]
Yeah, la-da-da, oh
(Wow, wow, wow)