Heidi Blickenstaff
Secondary Characters
[SUSAN]
Now it’s only me and you

[HEIDI]
With no one to tell us what to do

[BOTH]
What do we do?

[HEIDI]
We don’t have much time to dance in the spotlight
So I’m gonna treasure this Heidi and Susan duet

[SUSAN]
And now may be the only chance I get
Tonight to enjoy the pleasure of this invisible cigarette
(spoken)
Ssss

[HEIDI, spoken]
Ow

[SUSAN, spoken]
Ssss, ssss

[HEIDI, spoken]
Ow!
[BOTH]
The secondary characters are singing a song
While the stars are snacking off-stage
It was their idea to bring us along
And now we’re hijacking this page
Of the script
We’re equipped
To steer the ship
‘Til this trippy skit ends
And by the end of this song, we’ll be best friends

[SUSAN]
I want to apologize for any weirdness

[HEIDI]
Me too
It can be really scary being the new kid

[SUSAN]
I bet

[HEIDI]
I’ll bet you bet

[SUSAN]
I do, I bet
[HEIDI]
And I also want to say that
After all we’ve been through
I’m so glad we’ve met

[SUSAN]
I feel the same way

[BOTH]
Baby
The secondary characters are calling the shots
While the guys are being stored in the wings
We’ve been left in charge of it all while the plot
Is unfolding like the Lord of the Rings
Trilogy
It'll be
You and me
‘Til the very end
And like Frodo and Samwise
You’ll be my best friend
My best friend

[HEIDI]
Sing!

[SUSAN]
Ooo-da-hoy-oh-da-hoy-hey
[HEIDI]
Okay!

[BOTH]
My best friend

[HEIDI]
Susan
And Heidi
Susan
And Heidi
Susan
Dream on

[HEIDI/JEFF and HUNTER]
Dream on/ Woah
Dream on!/ Woah

[JEFF/ HUNTER/ HEIDI/ (SUSAN)]
Hi/ Woah/ I'm sorry
Hi/ Woah/ I'm sorry/ (Hi)
Hi/ Woah/ I'm sorry!

[JEFF, spoken]
Hi? uh, what’s going on?

[SUSAN, spoken]
I don’t know’ I was just standing here quietly and Heidi was like uh-uh-guh-uh-uh-uh

[HEIDI, spoken]
Thanks, Susan