[Round 1: Brad Williams]
Look, everybody, we finally got an answer
What happens to a TV show when Amy Schumer cancels
You're so basic, a run-of-the-mill blonde
How do you have no kids, but still look like a soccer mom?
Nikki had a talk show all about sex
Looking at her, it’s obvious why it wasn't a success
That's the second canceled TV show with you as a host
I guess it’s not as easy as stealing Sarah Silverman's jokes
[Round 1: Nikki Glaser]
Making jokes about Brad's height, it just feels wrong
So I'd like to focus on the fact that dwarfs don't live that long
Ooh, too dark? I'll stick to calling you "Shorty"
'Cause the truth is, Brad, you're gonna die before forty
I can see you’re a redhead as I tower above you
Oh, look, another reason why God doesn’t love you
Big head, short arms -- I am perplexed
Am I battling Brad Williams or a baby T-Rex?
[Round 2: Brad Williams]
Nikki attacked my size, because that was her last resort
It's ironic, ’cause her career is always coming up short
Your career was collapsing, I'll kill the final buzz
I just stomped your ass flatter than it already was
Face like a horse, a thoroughbred stallion
So many comics in her vag, it's hosted by Byron Allen
She called me a T-Rex and I laugh at that
Who knew Kellyanne Conway was so good at battle rap?
[Round 2: Nikki Glaser]
You called me a horse? That'll backfire
Okay, did someone put Aaron Paul in the dryer?
I like you, Brad, I don’t wanna mistreat you
I only did this for the pot of gold I get if I beat you
To find the g-spot, you have to climb up it
Borrow some shoes from one of Jeff Dunham's puppets
I don't wanna be mean, I know I'm not a saint
But I just ripped you a new one, like your head did your mom's taint
[Round 3: Brad Williams]
That's mean, Nikki, you're like a trashy Barbie
Found in a dumpster behind an Arby's
Take a look at her, she looks like Ivanka Trump
If she was an L.A.-six and raised in a dump
Her talk show is garbage, I'm happy that it's through
The only thing that's not safe is betting on a season two
I'm not saying Nikki Glaser is always sucking di*k
But I'm saying she's on her knees more than Colin Kaepernick
[Round 3: Nikki Glaser]
You mentioned oral sex, now why is that a slam?
You suck di*k every time you bump into a man
There's a word I would call you, but the censors are rigid
They said make fun of his head or his tiny little digits
You can say that his casket looks like a mini-fridge
Or call him a troll that lives underneath a bridge
It's not nice, Nikki, we don't want you cursin'
I won't call you a midget, Brad, I'll be the bigger person