A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Drop The Mic

"Gabriel Iglesias vs. Luis Guzman"

[Round 1: Luis Guzman]
I never rap-battled, I was too nervous to start it
But thanks to this show, I got a nice, big target
Heard you did good on Last Comic Standing
More like Last Comic Lean on a Stool Panting
Gabriel headlines, he's a stand-up [?]
Iglesias so big, he [?] Enrique
You might know him from movies that suck
Or the only guy in Magic Mike you wouldn't f*ck

[Round 1: Gabriel Iglesias]
You tryna rap over 60, you're gonna get killed
What's your rap name, Over the Cypress Hill?
They said you'd be good, they straight-up lied
You look Danny McBride if he was deep-fried
You look like you wear your cell phone on your belt
So unknown in your movies, you Google yourself
You play a tough guy when you're crackin' some heads
But in real life, Louie, you sound like Rosie Perez

[Round 2: Luis Guzman]
Check out Fluffy, trying to be macho
You agreed to do Narcos 'cause you thought it said "Nachos"
Your acting skills will work on Modern Family
Like if they made a huge balloon of Manny
And you wear Hawaiian shirts every day
You're not Jimmy Buffet, papa, you're "Jimmy buffet"
[?] follow through with a Mexican war plan
'Cause you'll bust through it like the Kool-Aid man

[Round 2: Gabriel Iglesias]
You mentioned Magic Mike, but you just got played
You're the only guy in Boogie Nights who didn't get laid
Give it up, muchacho, eres un pendejo
You're like a swollen version of Danny Trejo
You played a drug dealer on Miami Vice
So since day one, you've been a stereotype
Your career decisions have always been screwy
You're the most-hated man to ever have a show called Luis

[Round 3: Luis Guzman]
You call yourself Fluffy? That's a cool nickname
But I've never seen a poodle with this size frame
And now you're into yoga, there's gotta be a catch
You touch your toes? That sounds like a stretch
Your specials on Netflix give me the urge
To watch them all, but then I have to purge
You voice cartoons, but you got silenced today
I set you up to die, 'cause it's Carlito's Way

[Round 3: Gabriel Iglesias]
Your fat jokes are mean, Pachanga, I admit it
As mean as the word "lisp" having an S in it
Your sitcom was canceled immediately
'Cause every time that you talked, you got spit on the screen
And you keep calling me fat, but actually
Look at that panza, you're not Marc Anthony
He's proof in Hollywood you don't need looks to succeed
You're a mix of Pitbull the rapper and pitbull the dog breed

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

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