[Round 1: Joseph Gordon-Levitt]
Mr. Rogen, 4-2-0
Is a broken Bernie bro
If your career falls off the track
Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, 'cause you, you can't act!
Like you got to play Steve Wozniak
And you still sounded like a stoned Canadian, you're wack
Plus you're fat, sorry I'll just say it plainly
I mean you're not orca-fat, you're not insanely overweight
Just too many snacks and doobies
But enough so you can't really be in action movies
Gotta diet, man, or try a juice fast
Or at least just stop eating James Franco's ass
[Round 1: Seth Rogen]
So Joe is almost 40, which is actually really sad
I think I could probably pass for your dad
You're like a glass of milk that went on Birthright
You proved you can be both too Jewish and too white
You're young Bruce Willis in Looper, but you can't deny
In the future, you'll look more like Bruce Willis' rabbi
I'm chubby, I'm balding, I'm lazy, I smoke pot
So tell me, how am I leading man and you're not?
[Round 2: Joseph Gordon-Levitt]
Alright, first of all, Looper was great
And you only get work 'cause Chris Pratt got in shape
You do a lot for Alzheimer's, and that's respectable
Ironic, though, because you're so forgettable
By the way, how much paper did you pay
Your purported pals for penning the lines you're saying today?
Point Grey, nice logo animations
My words are realer, I'm a solo operation
[Round 2: Seth Rogen]
Speaking of movies, no one saw Snowden, not even Edward Snowden
He heard you were playing Snowden and said, "No, I'm not going"
You haven't been good since Third Rock From the Sun
f*ck 10 Things I Hate About You, I'll name ten thousand and one
Why'd you do Premium Rush? The bad concepts are writing
Why the f*ck you trying to make bike-riding look exciting?
You're adorkable, you sing, you play the ukulele well
If you had bangs, you would be Zooey Deschanel
[Round 3: Joseph Gordon-Levitt]
So, I listened to that verse like "man, imagine that
He makes noises even more annoying than his laugh"
You're like Butthead and Beavis at the same time
"Ha-ha ha-ha, wait, what's my line?"
In Freaks and Geeks you were playing every role
You're what happened when James Corden f*cked a 4chan troll
Tical, give me the crown
That guy from Knocked Up just got knocked the f*ck down!
[Round 3: Seth Rogen]
Now is time to finish off Joe Gordon-Levitt
Which should be easy, 'cause you got no flow, Gordon-Levitt
You're so-so, Gordon-Levitt; you're slow, Gordon-Levitt
You should change your name to Nose, 'cause you blow, Gordon-Levitt
You're dull dough, Gordon-Levitt; a schmo, Gordon-Levitt
I'm the Justin Trudeau to your Ross Perot, Gordon-Levitt
I'm the Richard Pryor to your Margaret Cho, Gordon-Levitt
I'm the Eminem to your f*cking Snow?, Gordon-Levitt
Stop the show, Gordon-Levitt; you're a ho, Gordon-Levitt
You're extraneous like my baby toe, Gordon-Levitt
I'm a hero, Gordon-Levitt; you're a zero, Gordon-Levitt
I'm young De Niro; you're old De Niro, Gordon-Levitt
Now that is how you beat your f*cking foe, Gordon-Levitt
I'm done destroying you, we can go, Gordon-Levitt