A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Drop The Mic

"Molly Ringwald vs. Jon Cryer"

[Jon Cryer]
Oh! Um, Joshua? If perhaps you could give me some sort of beat? Thank you very much

[Round 1: Jon Cryer]
Molly Ringwald and I have a very storied past
We did a movie together where I carried her ass
And boy, Molly got old, it's just too much to handle
I think we're gonna need about 50 more candles
You guest-starred on Riverdale, that made me pause
Do you play one of the high-schoolers' great grandmas?
In a movie, you rejected me to be your boyfriend
But tonight is the night Duckie gets his revenge

[Molly Ringwald]
Joshua, I think I need a beat here

[Round 1: Molly Ringwald]
Jon Niven Cryer is a lyrical beast
A lot of emotion for Charlie Sheen's side-piece
You [?] played loser, we loved every minute
I invented the friend zone just to put you in it
And with Demi Moore? I'm shocked that she'd date you
Hey, you and Charlie both had Ashton replace you
You're such a great actor, we believed every word
But the lines are blurred when you're actually a nerd

[Crowd chants "Molly"]

[Jon Cryer]

[Round 2: Jon Cryer]
Molly was a kid performer, singin' and dancin'
Her parents heard her voice and said, "Get into acting"
She released a jazz album in 2013
And somehow made jazz even more boring than it seems
As far as redheads, you're nowhere near best
You're not Julianne Moore, you're Julianne Less
Molly's a ginger, and creepy as sh*t
You would've been great as Pennywise, the clown from It

[Molly Ringwald]
Okay, this is gettin' real

[Jon Cryer]
Bring it

[Molly Ringwald]
Hit me, Josh

[Round 2: Molly Ringwald]
Our friendship is dead; after this, don't call me
You're the least cool person to ever die from Molly
You're five-foot-six, weigh 110
Now were you the "half man" in Two and a Half Men?
That's hilarious you think that I look weird
'Cause you're a man who went bald and then grew a beard
Being called Cryer, that's really a shame
'Cause I heard that in bed you live up to your name

[Round 3: Jon Cryer]
You're a cautionary tale of an actress-turned-cougar
Sophie Turner, look! It's the Ghost of Christmas Future
I've got two Emmys and ridiculous clout
You got an awkward teen phase and then never got out
You rejected the lead role in Ghost, like a novice
You shouldn't fire your agent, you should burn down his office
So this is the moment it all hits you
That when Andie picked Blane, she picked the wrong dude

[Round 3: Molly Ringwald]
When people see you on the streets, they run to you quick
And walk away when they realize it's not Matthew Broderick
When you're on the screen, you eat up every scene
How the hell'd you come out looking worse than Charlie Sheen?
I was on the cover of 'Time,' you were 'TV Guide'
Man, you're so past tense, they should call you Jonny Cried
You think Andie picked wrong? Well, listen to this
You're ugly in gray, too; I'm pretty in pink, b*tch

[Crowd chants "Molly"]

[Molly Ringwald]
Josh, you jus--- you gotta give me one more

[Molly Ringwald]
But I'm gonna be honest, this is too tough to fight
'Cause there's no one I'd rather to be connected to for life

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

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