[Round 1: Kunal Nayyar]
It's my pal Mayim, isn't that awesome
She's a former child star who never quite blossomed
She left TV for a PhD, I swear
When she came back to act, nobody cared
She eats organic with plants and leaves
She might be vegan, but I'ma serve her beef
Just 'cause we work together, don't mean I can't get her
Truth is, I always liked Punky Brewster way better!
[Round 1: Mayim Bialik]
You made fun of Blossom, Kunal, you're just bitter
These kids were raised on me like I was their babysitter
And your first verse just got on my nerves
Your accent isn't cute, you just mispronounce words
He loves golf, let me give you this hook
Your wife's Miss India, I'm sure she likes you for your looks
I'm here to win this, so I hope that you hear me
You're a tiny star, I'm the Big Bang Theory
[Round 2: Kunal Nayyar]
Yes, you were on a show where Joey Lawrence said, "Whoa"
You walk into a room and everybody's like, "no"
Maybe change your name, your name sounds awful
Mayim Bialik, is that a side dish for falafel?
You're a dork, you're a dweeb, you're a nerd, you're a geek
You were famous in the '80s, now you're a broken antique
You have a PhD, so answer me this, honey
You can deconstruct an element, why can't you be funny?
[Round 2: Mayim Bialik]
Kunal's a good actor, I can't be rude
I love him on Silicon Valley... wait, wrong dude
You were great as Kumar... wait, not you
So every compliment I have is actually not true
You're not the Big Bang rapper, that's a reach
Come to think of it, you're basically our show's Screech
You got balls making fun of my name on purpose
'Cause you got the kind of name that makes Donald Trump "noivous"
[Round 3: Kunal Nayyar]
So you notice I'm Indian, how hardcore
Hanging out with you is as fun as Yom Kippur
You were Emmy-nominated for four different years
Then lost four different times to four different peers
She graduated high school at the top of her class
Said no to Harvard and Yale, are you a dumbass?
It's easy to make fun of Mayim, all her faults show
What do I make fun of next? Who "nose"?
[Round 3: Mayim Bialik]
You've got a soft touch, but I'm a heavy hitter
You're a little annoying, I was a little Bette Midler
Today I looked you up on IMDb
I asked, "What else has Kunal done?" It said, "You tell me!"
I know you get typecast, I think that's kind of parting
I promised I wouldn't mention Aziz An-- sorry
It's cool that you tried, but you get my middle finga
'Cause you just got roasted, Bazinga