[James Van Der Beek]
Drop the beat
[Round 1: James Van Der Beek]
They said I'd battle Randall Park, and I was like "oh
I guess that's what happens when you can't get John Cho"
Don't expect me to slay, but the truth is I'm astounding
You're Fresh Off the Boat, get back in it, you're drowning
Let me sum up every Randall Park interview:
"Randall, what's it like working with Constance Wu?"
All that time at the gym, but you're still afraid of the dark?
Man, I just just hit a Randall right out of the park
[Round 1: Randall Park]
You couldn't handle Randall, I'm a boss on the beat
My flow fresh off the boat, got Dawson up sh*t's creek
Without a paddle, don't even try to battle, don't bore us
'Cause I'ma do you like Bruce Lee did Chuck Norris
You're wack, a fading teen star and that's a fact
Difference between you and Kirk Cameron is he can act
In fact, this wannabe Patrick Swayze can't phase me
And if I gotta bring it back, best believe I'm Team Pacey
[Round 2: James Van Der Beek]
I first saw you in The Interview, where you played Kim Jong
In a movie that almost got our whole country bombed
Then it went into theaters and it actually bombed
Only people who bought tickets were your dad and your mom
I saw your [rap sheet from?] the 90s and I almost threw up
But I'm happy to see how Data from The Goonies grew up
I got four kids now and beautiful wife
Like Varsity Blues, yo, "I don't want your life"
[Round 2: Randall Park]
I'm an Asian man excelling in a white man's industry
You're a white man in a white man industry failing miserably
How's that even possible, you're so damn white
Favorite flavor pumpkin spice, eating kale every night
You probably think Uggs look nice, you know that I'm right
I bet you liked La La Land way better than Moonlight
So maybe holmes quit, 'cause you know that you're p*ssed
I'ma be like Katie Holmes and act like you don't exist
[Round 3: James Van Der Beek]
They say you're Chinese on your show, and it's good, we're all agreein'
But in case you didn't know, hey Randall, you're Korean
Feel the impact like a crash test dummy
He was in the show Love, but he gets none from me
I knew from the start this wasn't a fair fight
I loved you in Trainwreck, not the movie, your life
So laugh all you want at my Dawson's fame
When I walk down the street, at least people know my name
[James Van Der Beek & the crowd]
When I say Van Der, you say Beek
Van Der, Beek!
Van Der, Beek!
Van Der, Beek!
[Randall Park & the crowd]
When I say Randall, you say Park
Alright, let's see what I can come with off the top of the dome
[Round 3: Randall Park]
Van Der Beek, man you're weak
Your fan base is so old, they still dance cheek-to-cheek
Yeah, I'm speakin' on this white-bread, preppy little b*tch
Got me wondering, am I battling Abercrombie or Fitch?
Now you're on a show where you're playin' Diplo
Does he know that waiters hate you 'cause you always tip low?
At least you're still handsome, and that is legit
The offspring of Ryan Gosling and a pile of sh*t