[GANGSTER #1 & GANGSTER #2]
Chop the nuts
Pound the dough
Bake it up
Nice and slow
Then you got a Toledo
Toledo Surprise

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
Now sell it!

[GANGSTER #1 & GANGSTER #2]
Pit the peach
Peel the skin
Mush it up
Throw it in
That's a tasty Toledo
Toledo Surprise

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
Now you're cooking!

[GANGSTER #1 & GANGSTER #2]
First you beat it up
Then you sweet it up
When you heat it up
If it tries to rise
Don't let it
It's a snap
Try it folks
Whip your whites
Split your yolks
Then you got a splendido
Toledo Surprise

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
You boys are naturals. Keep it up, a 5-6-7-8.

[KITTY enters.]

[KITTY, spoken]
Mr. Feldzieg? Ooh, what's going on here?

[FEILDZIEG, spoken]
Kitty, I'm developing a new act.

[GANGSTER #1 & GANGSTER #2]
Toledo Surprise!

[KITTY, spoken]
You're putting Gangsters in the act and you won't put me in it?
They're not even in the union!

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
Shh! You got it all wrong. The new act — it's for you, Kitty. And these boys are your backup dancers
[KITTY, spoken]
Backup dancers? Holy Cats!

(sung)
What the hot Toledo
Does to my libido
Good? Mmm, yes indeed-o
Sugary yum yum
(pause)
SURPRISE![KITTY]
Squeeze the cream
Grease the pan
Lick the spoon
Flip the flan
Makes you bust your tuxedo
Toledo Surprise[GANGSTERS]
Doo
Doo doo
Doo
Doo doo[ALDOLPHO enters with the CHAPERONE.]

[ALDOLPHO, spoken]
Wait! Wait! Aldolpho, he make an announcement. Wedding is off!

[GEORGE]
What? For the love of God, why?
[ALDOLPHO]
Aldolpho has made love to the bride!

[ALDOLPHO indicates CHAPERONE.]

[ALL, spoken]
Oh? Eww.

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
That is not the bride, you idiot! That is the chaperone!

[ALDOLPHO, spoken]
Whaat?

[GEORGE, spoken]
The wedding is on!

[JANET and ROBERT enter.]

[JANET, spoken]
The wedding is off!

[GEORGE, spoken]
What?

[JANET, spoken]
Robert kissed a French girl. Her name is Mimi. She's very beautiful.

[ROBERT, spoken]
I couldn't help it, Janet. She was just like you, only French.

[JANET slaps ROBERT.]

[GEORGE, spoken]
Sweet mother of pearl!

[TOTTENDALE, spoken]
Underling?

[UNDERLING, spoken]
Yes, madam?

[TOTTENDALE, spoken]
What is all this commotion about?

[UNDERLING, spoken]
The wedding, madam.

[TOTTENDALE, spoken]
Wedding? Oh, I love weddings!

[UNDERLING, spoken]
I'm afraid it has been called off.

[TOTTENDALE, spoken]
Oh, how terrible.

[FELDZIEG, spoken]
Yes, what a tragedy! What a wonderful, wonderful tragedy! Clear the floor boys, I'll show you how it's done!

(sung)
First you beat it up
Then you sweet it up
When you heat it up
If it tries to rise
Don't let it!

Toledo Surprise!

[TOTTENDALE]
Surprise?

[GANGSTER #1]
Wait until it's ready!

[TOTTENDALE]
Surprise?

[GANGSTER #2]
Wait until it's ready!

[TOTTENDALE]
Surprise?

[FELDZIEG]
Wait until it's ready!

[KITTY]
Now it's lookin' ready!

[TOTTENDALE]
Surprise!

[GANGSTERS, KITTY & FELDZIEG]
You got it!

[TOTTENDALE]
Makes me twitch
Makes me shake
This dessert
Takes the cake
Hits me like a torpedo
Toledo Surprise!

[ALDOLPHO]
Toledo Surprise!

[GEORGE]
Toledo Surprise!

[UNDERLING]
Surprise!

[DROWSY]
Surprise!

[ALL]
Surprise!

Surprise!

Surprise!

Chop the nuts
Pound the dough
Bake it up
Nice and slow
Then you got a Toledo
Toledo Surprise!

Then you got a Tol-ee-
Then you got a Tol-ee-
Then you got a Tol-ee-
Then you got a Tol-ee-
Then you got a Tol-ee-

[The record skips. The MAN rushes over to the record player and stomps on the floor. The record continues.]

Surprise!
Wait 'ntil it's ready
Surprise!
Wait 'ntil it's ready
Surprise!

That's a tasty Toledo Surprise!