[Verse 1]
I screwed up, I just wanna say I'm sorry
It's all my fault, you should probably ignore me
Oh my God, should've given you a warning
All my friends are sick and tired of this story (Woo!)
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm annoying (Yeah, yuh)
Call your phone when it's three in the morning (Yeah)
Start a fight, parked a whip in your garden (Ayy)
Prolly think I am mentally retarded (Yeah, hi)
Please, don't call me crazy 'cause I'm not (Woo, because I'm not)
Last night, I had one too many shots (Too many shots)
Blacked out, got arrested by the cops (Woo)
Woke up on the neighbors front lawn

[Pre-Chorus]
Every time that I'm hangover, I convince myself I'm dying
Where the hell'd my pants go and why is my girlfriend crying?
I say that I remember what I did, but I am lying
There's a tattoo on my buttcheek, it's a beer can and he's smiling

[Chorus]
I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?
[Verse 2]
I'm a mess, and I know you don't deserve it
You're the best, and I'm a pretty stupid person
Nonetheless, you try to help me 'cause I'm hurting
I confess, sometimes I feel like I'm not worth it (Woo!)
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm a problem (Yeah, ayy)
I don't care who I hurt, I feel awesome (I feel awesome)
Holy crap, it's either jail or a coffin
Soon enough, I'ma be at rock bottom
Please help, tell me, how'd I end up here? (Where am I?)
Last night, I had one too many beers (Too many beers)
Flashbacks, but I can't remember clear
Why I texted all my exes, and we haven't spoke in years

[Pre-Chorus]
Every time that I'm hangover, last night doesn't feel so funny
I threw up on my front step, and I wasted all my money
I got naked in the night club, right in front of all my buddies
Then I went home with some girl I thought was hot, but she is ugly (Is ugly)

[Chorus]
I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?
[Bridge]
You call my phone
'Kay be quiet, can you hear it?
I don't hear it
Damn, oh no, my sexy photos
Can we clear it?
We need to clear it

[Chorus]
I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

[Outro]
Hello?
Hello, babe
Hello, babe
I was just recording me calling you, so I can put it in the song
Oh, okay
I love you
I love you, too
Bye
Bye