[Verse 1]
It's almost Christmas time and I'm all by myself, I ain't got no Christmas cheer, I ain't ringin' no jingle bells
I cut myself shaving, I left a little blood in my sink, It scared some people on the internet but I swear it isn't what they think
I've been as good as gravy this whole year, I'd let you ask my grandma but my grandma isn't here

[Chorus]
All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president
I didn't do anything wrong but the Police are asking questions and Grandma's gone
All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president
I've told them everything that I know, I left her at the motel and she nеver came home

But still thе police won't leave me alone
And Nick Jr's never gonna give me a show
Until the president pardon's me and charges Jeff Bezos

[Spoken]
President Trump, first and foremost thank you for ending the war on Christmas
You and I share a common enemy in Jeff Bezos, he ruined my Halloween party and he probably murdered my Grandma
We can take him town together but I need you to do one thing for me (Pardon me)

[Bridge]
Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes & Noble, Jeff Bezos Murdered Sears (Pardon me)
Jeff Bezos probably murdered my Grandma, Christmas time is almost here (Pardon me)
Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes & Noble (All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president), Jeff Bezos murdered Sears (It's as easy as a stroke of a pen)
Jeff Bezos probably murdered my Grandma (All I want for Christmas is a pardon from-), Christmas time is almost here!
[Chorus]
But still the police won't leave me alone
And Nick Jr's never gonna give me a show
Until the president pardons me-

[Spoken]
Put your hands up! Put your hands up! Get on the ground! (What) Get on the ground! Get on the ground! (I didn't d-)