[Round 1: Robo]
Alright, yo, check it
His real name is Kevin Michael Dunshee
Ah, Dunsh, he’s a killer
Decent writing, balanced cadence, uses very little filler
But he’s not the type of person that at first you would assume
I’m more afraid of Kevin than any person in this room
‘Cause he’s just way too white!
Like sour cream type of white
Like “use a scheme from Chedda Cheese vs. Carter Deems” type of white!
Like, he’s so white, he probably went to Villanova to study philosophy, like Plato and Socrates
He was on a men’s a cappella team and wants to go to Harvard for a law degree
Wait...wait a second, dude…
I just tried to make fun of you, but all of that was true
God, you’re SO WHITE!
But Dunsh always the butt of the joke
Wait, did you catch that?
I said you always the butt of the joke - ba-dunsh

[Dunsh]
Yes, thank God someone used that

[Robo]
Yo, he was on a men’s a cappella team called Vocal Minority
(Facts)
Ironic...it was Dunsh, ten white dudes, and zero minorities
Yo, he can secretly sing like Dizaster, but none of his shit worth it
When we take it to the street, ‘cause everything I Pitch Perfect
So, dawg, you better not be disrespectin’
‘Cause your skin complexion is whiter than the middle section of Hippie Heaven and frisbee lessons
Yo, you wanna get attention, so I brought the Smith & Wesson
Nic Cage: take his face off (Face/Off), then I’m Gone in 60 Seconds!
Yo, it take him a minute to even get cookin’, so how he claim to be a monsta?
You just a wanna-B-Rabbit, that’s gonna need a doctor
Shock ya like Blanka!
Faster hands than E. Honda!
I ain’t tryna hit ya body, I’m just damagin’ ya chakra
And, no, no, now I could tell
Now I can tell you’re light, your aura fading, man
And you light off the top like a safety lamp
You just a square with overinflated value
You’s a trading stamp
You ain’t making bands
The chances of you beating me are about as real as Frankie and Bonnie shaking hands
Or Cali Smoov being the King of the Dot freestyle reigning champ!
[Round 1: Dunsh]
Oh...SHIT!
I knew someone would expose me
This must not be my night
Good job, Robo! Ya got me...I’m white
I got pussy off my singin’ voice, could probably knock up your wife
Plus, half the dudes in my a cappella group...are fuckin’ locked up for life!
What’s up, pussy!?

Yeah! That hard shit!
YEAH!

Dawg, you look like…
You look like The Boondocks made an abrupt transition to anime
And I can see you having an angry day whenever you hear “Panda” play
His white side is at a matinee
His Asian side is at a cat buffet
My Black side is lettin’ ‘matics spray
His Asian side about to catch a stray!
BANG!
You were dead soon as they posted the flyer
And I touched down on the coast and hit my local supplier!
See, this Mossberg? Okwerdz - make this joker retire
But the silencer Lush One...so you won’t even know when it’s FIRED!
Is that too severe!?
Well, fuck it, man - of course I’m gonna use it here
Heard you had a leg up
But if I get booed in here, you’ll get the boot in here
I’m talkin’ head kicks, boot in ears
Decorate your chest like a boutonniere
And have you leavin’ LA with a set of new ve-neers as a souve-nir!
It’s a disaster when I pull up…not you, Bashir
But I didn’t take an Uber here
I mean “disaster” (Dizaster) as in when I bomb on this asshole, he’ll need a new career
Get it? Bomb on this asshole? Nuke a rear? (Ah-ha-ha)
Shouts to Liam Bagnall - I’ve been a fan of you for years
Bad bars, I spit those!
But I do it like a pro though - ‘sup?
Y’all wanna hear some more bad bars!? (Yeah!)
Good, ‘cause Robo’s up
Time
[Round 2: Robo]
Yo, you are so fucking white, your privilege has privileges
Which is ironic, cause you don’t believe in that
But yo, he throws parties on his father’s yacht, so he always has a rapper crowd
His mom’s like, “Gather ‘round, gather ‘round. We’re about to start the battles now.”
Yo, lookin’ at the rest of us rappers, liftin’ up your nose
Except your last GZ, you didn’t show
Called Gully’s phone and said that you couldn’t go
Canceled your BeastMODE battle with Luke Nukem on the low
And I know you know I know why, so now I’m leaving you exposed
You mad?

[Dunsh] No

[Robo]
Well, it’s something I can’t condone
Cause Toronto, we were both supposed to go
But you evaded Krome by staying home
And the reason?…
So he could watch Game of Thrones!
You bastard! You bastard!

[Dunsh]
That’s true. It’s a good show.

[Robo]
I guess he truly got the best of us
‘Cause he knew what happened to Arya a night before the rest of us
So Gully hit my jack like, “Teach Dunsh as a lesson.
The blunter the weapon, or something with a gunner’s aggression.”
Special attachment, got the TEC with the rubber suppression
When I blick the .40, it’s Rick and Morty
One shot send his body to another dimension
Inception! The way I plant one in the back of Dunsh
I’m not losing to one of Mitt Romney‘s sons, mixed with half the cast of Brady Bunch
I mean, I came to bag his lunch
I just figured we’d rap after Afta-Klutch
You look like if you went to jail for trying to pass the dutch
You’d be what the other inmates label as the ass to fuck
Yo, come on, make some noise

Yo, your rapping sucks!
So how you gonna act all hard and shit in your Target fit
Like you got some quick wit artifice and the card is lit
‘Cause you spit sick, hard and shit
When really you’re just a limp-wrist Limp Bizkit rich kid narcissist
That learned how to rap from a Kid Twist starter kit!
This is that harder shit, Dunsh! You’re nothing but cheap tricks
You’re just a rung on my ladder to WD6
So if you think you’re gonna put me in the ground, miss me with that shit
‘Cause I’ll just pop right back up like “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”

[Round 2: Dunsh]
Ya know why no one fucks with your style when you’re…batt-ling!?
It’s ‘cause you spit really deliberate like the crowd can’t under…stand a thing!
I mean, I know that it’s your hobby, and you enjoy the witty…bantering!
But if you were the jewelry at a wedding ceremony for Asian bears, you couldn’t be more…pandering (panda ring)!
Bad bars
Yo, do you know what rhymes with “listening to what Robo spits”?
I shoulda no-showed this
Pogo dick, make your bitch bounce and her kimono rip
I could show you what active is
That mean if Robo trip
I’ll put the cannon (Canon) on his head and shoot a GoPro clip
But let’s relieve some of Robo’s hits
You said:
“I actually go out and rap and practice to get faster
I go to cyphers and shows and hang with the crews after”
…cue laughter!
Who’s…mans is this douchebag?
Move…back! You’re not a true factor
But DBD co-signs this…new fan?
Dude, Dan, you bastard!
I took a long-ass flight to plant a new flag: moon lander
Just to battle this true Stan
But it’s cool, man, ‘cause I’m a new rapper
But I should be battling giants
You know, the dude Pass, true masters
I’m just confused, man!
Like, why I gotta school ants!?…Zoolander!
You TRASH!
But we could take it beyond the keyboards
See Robo switch to a pussy like Cheetor from Beast Wars
We off that…we off that…
I’ll let the viewers judge the ink like a Rorschach
And plus I’d rather talk about the post from you on TalkBack, where you said:
“I just wrote one of the most fire multis of all time”
(*Dunsh fake gasps*)
Well, guess what, dude? So did I
Ya know what rhymes with…
“You’re a painfully cringe-worthy battle groupie who’s gonna spend the next five years doing Dirtbag Dan’s laundry, only to commit Seppuku when he realizes he wasted his formative years pursuing a hobby, at which he is, at best, marginally average”?
(What?)
S-Sandwich, kind of
Time

[Round 3: Robo]
Yo…
Yo, you are so fucking pale-

[Dunsh] Oh my God

[Robo]
-you could carry water up valleys
The only time Dunsh happy is when he’s at a Trump rally
You look like that prank guy Vitaly had sex with…Vitaly
But it’s not that giant-ass horse nose that makes you suck
You like Vitaly ‘cause you get views, but we all know you fake as fuck
So change ya luck if you think he good, ‘cause Kevin Michael not
You can step into my Office to see Kevin Michael shot
Now watch the boss go dumb on Kevin: Michael Scott!
Yo, flip the tabletop, munchables
Get Dunsh clapped, face so punchable
No one wanna hear Dunsh rap unless they wearin’ a dunce cap
That’s why he’s so gullible
Dunsh a Lunchable, ‘cause you can dismantle Dunsh with ease
And he a cracker that go a little HAM, but come with a lot of cheese!
Like how you told Gully you were done with battling for good
And that’s why you couldn’t make your flight
You tried to put your money where your mouth is
Now your mouth will make you pay the price!
So yo, next time, instead of going to Avo’ behind Gully’s back, just stay and whine at home
KOTD’s trying to get its weight up, so why would we want a diet Rone?
And yo, speaking of being a clone…
I guess you really could’ve used a pair
‘Cause you were supposed to battle Cityy Towers…but you kinda weren’t there
And then, against Troy Brown, you called out Krome to finish your spot
But only if Gully set you on a path to King of the Dot
He said, “We’ll do it live! At the next GZ” and that Krome was kinda scared
And then I went to that GZ…and you kinda weren’t there!

(*Robo steps away to take a sip of water*)

[Dunsh]
Is that it?

[Robo]
Mm-mm

[Dunsh]
Oh…too bad

[Robo]
And now you think you deserve a shot!?
Bitch, you suck!
I hear the same thing every time they bring you up
Like, “He’s amazing, when he raps!
He’s dope, when he’s there!”
But you didn’t, and you weren’t
So now we don’t care!
We don’t care that you barely have to try with your nerd bars
Of course you’re here
You’d be blackballed if you no-showed on your third card
You just do enough to get by, which is why you’ll never get far
‘Cause hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard!
And y’all all thought he was sick as fuck!
And I get he’s someone that you feel a bunch
Well, guess what? I’m sicker, and I just showed y’all how to kill a Dunsh

[Round 3: Dunsh]
Ugh…
Bro, you are the Rudy Ruettiger of Fresh Coast battle rap

[Robo] More jokes

[Dunsh]
A practice hero who’s really psyched he gets to be on the squad
And that’s precious shit
So when you spit…(*clap-clap-clap*)
All these people applaud
But at your core, you’re a tourist
You’re not really built for this rapping shit, you’re a fan of it
You look at me like a 2016 rebranded Twist
Without reference to the fact, I’ve been rapping since, way before this battles shit
And if you were to ask me then what a classic is
I would’ve told you “Ready To Die, ATLiens, and The Fix”
But ask this kid if he’s ever even heard that Illmatic shit
And he’ll reply like, “(*scoffs*) His name’s Illmaculate, you faggot bitch”
You’re a dick-rider!
But you’re unaware of how it cheapens your brand
So you’re online
Like, “My dude! You’re unbelievable, man!
Are you busy?”
Then, right-click, reach for the spam
Like, “Have you checked my latest battle out? Peep when you can”
Bro, you are a groupie!
You stepped onto the scene as a sham
If Head I.C.E called you a “Wolf”, you’d probably cream in your pants
See, there’s hunger and there’s thirst
And I know you’re eager, but…FAM’!
You spent so much time in these bleachers
You can’t see you’re a Stan!?
It’s your performance, your cadence, your speech, it’s your stance!
It’s your cringe-worthy aggression
“Yeah, I’m squeezin’ the can!”
That shit’s been workin’ on these no-names gettin’ breeded by Dan
But you’re fuckin’ wit’ your pops, Jackass: Viva La Bam!
So take this lesson!
It’s depressin’, but you should leave when you can
Before you’re 35, opening GZ Hiroshima, Japan
Bro, you will never fucking make it
And the reason’s you’re bland
Ayo, Foreman!

[Erik Foreman] Yessir!

[Dunsh]
That’s the way you season a fan!
Fuck outta here