[Round 1: The Saurus]
I still speak to my brother often
First Bender, then you...all the loses become exhaustin'
To get my mind back into battle mode, I had to turn to other options
Cause y'all battles always inspired me the most, but it still hurts too much to watch them
But makin' y'all proud is what I want
Cause I know my bros are watchin'
So I won't let the emotion of both your losses hold me hostage
And my growth is largely the result of what you both accomplished
So I know, puttin' my best food forward is the only option
Welcome back, Twist!
Kinda feels like we did this before
That's when I kicked in the door and revolutionized an industry for you bitches here more than Christian Dior
And there was a time when this city was yours
But Twist, that was back in the day when when we were young, you're not a Kid anymore
Sure I had two opponents duck
And if you ask me, both were shook
But this is an infinitely better battle and that should not go overlooked
But you disappeared from our scene for years
While I respect the road you took
It's time for the guy who wrote the movie to meet the guy who wrote the book!
Look!
Now I got Alex back ('Bek) in Jeopardy
Choose any subject
I got him sweating like he's watching Cops
"Did you touch my drum set?"
One punch, turn his face into every hue of a sunset
I wanted the best Twist, this ain't the Usual Suspect!
And that's the perfect segue to queue the scene for this
Once Upon A Time you flew to Hollywood and flew out to pursue your dreams a bit
And wrote a movie loosely based around some useless piece of shit
Maybe it would've made more than six cents (Six Sense) if you produced a decent script
He tried to Get Out causing The Descent into a deep Abyss
And that's where Oldboy, Saw the Signs of where the root of Evil Lives
Now it's Seven years, you've been Gone, Girl, I don't think you were even missed (Mist)
He don't have The Prestige like Us which shows y'all the Illusionist he is
But my Arrival was the Inception for why this human being exists
So he'll hold this L as a Memento for as soon as he forgets
You were always getting Bodied
I just chose to do a scheme like this
In case the viewers need a list of better movies with a Twist!
[Round 1: Kid Twist]
It's funny, I wasn't hearin' all that hate when you got paid to cameo
Now I make six figures off of scripts you can't even get paid from Cameo
You’ve been doing this for 20 years, around the world, never slowing your pace
And in those hundreds of battle....you’d think someone would’ve mentioned all the holes in your face
No one ever has! It’s crazy! They’re all over the place
The fact none of you guys brought it up is a total disgrace
But I will!
Cause it’s hard to face a legend when he has a face from Legends
It takes four hours to get this look — for Colin Farrell to play the Penguin
Your face looks like you put a spare tire in an air fryer
Or got in a bear fight and stitched it up with a pair of pliers and snare wire
Then went to the gym and fell face first on the stair climber
Your career’s a conspiracy by Big Skin Care to drive their shares higher
And I know he still thinks using face jokes to clown him is wack
Are you been keeping up with fashion? The two thousands are back!
Alright look, I’ll be honest…
Your face has cleared up a lot, I just thought that’d be a fun concept to tackle
Was I supposed to do personals on my friend, like he’s a monstrous asshole?
Or call my inspiration bad at rapping, when I walk in his shadow?
I had no way to beat him, 'til I found the one possible angle:
Turn this to a compliment battle
You are top 5 no debating! We can’t deny the facts
Gave us the style we all bastardized, won every challenge twice, this man defines a champ
And now your beard’s going grey in this tantalizing patch
You fathered this entire scene and got the daddy vibes to match
Tastiest condiment ever?
Little salt with some pepper
Distinguished, you should be modeling cardigan sweaters giving philosophy lectures
Even what you call yourself’s clever — blew my mind when I first saw it
Thesaurus, like The Saurus… how is no one else called this?
Genius!
Look at that smile, how can you not like this fucking dude?
Just a glimpse of those shining pearly whites will brighten up your mood
He even charms you as he kills you, gives you that tiny chuckle too
He’ll light you up with bars while his smile is lighting up the room
You started around the same time as Mook, both left the game recalibrated
But Mook’s been coasting since, just pops back in for us to validate him
You were always active, took any matchup, no hint of your talent fadin
You’ve been behind bars for 20 years – and still beat the Murda allegations
That’s why you’re a GOAT in every era, your ability is timeless
So me saying that he sucks would be the silliest contrivance
I don’t need fake disses just for syllables to rhyme with
I’m trying to prove I really am the nicest, so I’m killing you with kindness!
He's not that nice!
[Round 2: The Saurus]
Kill me kindness? Fuck
I was literally going to spend this whole round saying I'd kill you in a drive-by
But now that I'm feelin' Half Baked let's see who's really Mr. Nice Guy
As far as me fathering the scene, that part is totally true
I still remember the episode of Maury Povich where he broke me the news
Dawg, you're so cool
There ain't nothin' Alex Larsen won't do
Fuck Dr. Scholl's, Tom Cruise's mom couldn't walk in those shoes
He puts his friends in his movies cause he's got a heart of gold too
So I guess the only words left for him to hear are, "And the Oscar goes to...."
But dawg hold up, like you really think you're nicer than me?
Like you...are nicer...than me?
Dawg, why are you lyin' to these people
Nicer than me? Alright Twist, why don't we see
Bartender, rest of the night, Twist's drinks for the night are on me
Now what do you want? Long Island Iced Tea?
Bottle of water? Maybe a Vitamin C?
You've spent a lot of time on your feet tonight, can I find you a seat?

{stumbles}

If you told me that Kid Twist was a better than me...I would agree
Have you seen his fuckin' IMDB?
He's written multiple episodes of Yasuke, which ain't exactly my cup of tea
But I still watched episodes 1-5 on repeat
Just on the off chance that you'd get a royalty or licensing fee
And I know you only wrote four episodes but five was a better rhyme for the scheme
And you're too polite to correct me which is fine as can be
Cause see, if I correct myself then it really shows you guys what I mean
When I tried to explain that ain't nobody nicer than me
I haven't seen a single chick in here that ol' Twizzler won't fuck
Soon as he walks in the room, the bitches hold their mistletoes up
Dawg, if you leave battle rap again, I'll probably quit and go nuts
'Cause, these last seven years without you here...I fuckin' missed you so much
Dawg, I think a biopic on Twist would be the sickest story
He's lived a thousand lives at once like Rick & Morty
I could compliment you all night, but in a way that isn't corny
I would compliment your eyes but that sweater already did it for me
Time
[Round 2: Kid Twist]
I bet you have the most athletic sex
Warm up with a callisthenic set
Then put her in a pretzel stretch and do a full extension press for twenty reps
Lock in your targeting system, so that rocket is hittin the g-spot with precision
Have her walkin’ off limpin’ cause all of her limbs are wobbly and twitchin’
You turn an agnostic to Christian, she saw God for a minute
And for the kinky chicks, you’ve been putting chains up before Hollohan did it
Getting crazy trim
Your life’s a movie that’s made to win like The Fabelmans
Cause when it comes to Pete's pulling bad chicks, Davidson got his game from HIM
Always pullin' up with a new one and engaged again, and sure marriage mighta been nice
But any of 'em deserves to actually cuff you, she would match your hustle and earn that ring twice!
Plus your daughter is the queen of your world, can’t buy her gifts fast enough
You spoil her (spoiler) worse than saying Joel dies in The Last of Us
(Play the games. Just play the game!)
Even Jesus wishes he had you instead of God for a father
Like, “You see what Pete bought for his daughter?? All I got was walking on water.”
But it’s more about the talks when you call her
The moves you taught her in soccer
No trust fund but you invested in that bond now you’re watching her prosper
She’s probably home right now watching Saw 3D...
To write a 5,000 word essay on how Jigsaw represents the violence inherent in all carceral approaches to justice even those which purport to serve a rehabilitative moral purpose
… shit’s getting an A, EASY!
Your day job is playing poker
You’re a high roller to the max
You gambled on your whole life and all you folded is your stacks
To beat those odds? Imagine the cojones that he packs
This dude watches Uncut Gems and feels totally relaxed!
He’s even cool with opponents when he raps
Don’t need compliments to boost their confidence enormous
They see you nod to their performance and buzz off at the endorphins
You’re always putting others first, I know you caught some bitchin for it
But them guys still talk about the cypher that they got in with The Saurus
What an awesome human amongst me
Honest, proven, and trusty
Calm, cool and cuddly
All-consumingly studly
Virile and mighty, so pure in his mind he
Can peer in my eyes and I can see the hero inside me
Of course I had to flip Pat’s shit in tribute, his best bars were to diss YOU
And that’s a bigger compliment than I can ever give you
Long live the king
Long live the king

[Round 3: The Saurus]
What an incredible round about me
For real, give him a hand
Chubby Checker on the dance floor, I'm Twist's biggest fan
You could spend all three rounds telling me how big of a bitch that I am
And I'd still think you're Tom Hanks in Big; Kid is the man
But Kid is way more than a man, and I know y'all can agree
And in light of him tellin' y'all of how I fathered the scene
I thought I should be the first to tell y'all 'bout some stuff that was brought up to me
Our Kid here is all grown up now and he's a father to be
That's the sonogram, see
It's got me glad right now
Got emotions that I can't tie down
Feel like I could cry tears of happiness for you for half my round
Cause our brother Pat is looking down from the clouds right now
To say how proud he is that you're about to be a dad right now
Dawg, it is so fuckin' fire dude
Is there anything I can buy for you?
A stroller? A cradle? A panoramic mural of the night and moon to light the room?
Have you guys thought about baby names yet for what you're tryin' to do?
I know a name I would choose
Patrick!
But I'm also way more nice than you
I am so stoked for your kid cause I know how much love he'll get
Little genius will probably drop his first 30 after his first couple steps
Now havin' your first child is such a blessing I don't wanna sound unimpressed
But it also means...congratulations on the tons of sex
And I just won a bet
I can't wait to tell your kid about the cool that his dad's done
Even though Frak might get a little jealous, but now I got another grandson
Now I didn't wanna get personal with you
Cause we don't have any personal issue
So I'm glad that a compliment battle is what you decided to turn this into
Cause I'd rather just show my homie here love after all the shit that we've been through
So I've got nothin' but love for the Kid and I know that you'll give the whole world to your kid too
Long live Pat Stay! We love you, we miss you!

[Round 3: Kid Twist]
Girthy, bulbous, colossal…guess what I’m using a thesaurus for
The same thing every girl here wants to be using a The Saurus for
That thing is like a four by four
You can’t fit your drawers in drawers
These chicks think “less is more” until they learn from Peter Morris more
It's tough to be this well-endowed, they don’t see the disadvantage side
You send a girl a dick pic and she can’t handle the attachment size
And when you got the type of payload you do these rappers ain’t dope to you
You listen to gun-so-big bars like “pfft, if they only knew…”
In '05, you told Franco he looks like "James van der Beek on eight grams of tweak"
And ever since my brain’s given that at least one playback a week
That multi-ing names fad, we all used to take that from Pete
I’ll be the first to admit
My initial style was all The Saurus — I just used the same words with a Twist
Let’s return to '06
That’s when I watched my first real battle, you and Justice, and in a matter of weeks
I entered the Proud to Be event where me and Organik would meet
Then came JumpOff, the title, trips to rap overseas
But still had thoughts nagging at me
Like I was the top draft in this league but could never match it with the stats I achieved
Made me doubt my whole path, then I’d think back to when I’d watch your battles and dream
And imagine how ecstatic I’d be to know I clashed the World Rap Champion team
And I’ll always think about Alex and Patrick with grief
But I was honored to know them even though our moments were tragically brief
So fuck whether I’m a natural in this craft, this is a family retreat
My heroes became my brothers and that’s what matters to me
If I could go back, I’d still enter Proud to Be Eh Battle Emcee
Because you’re the reason I’m proud to be a battle emcee
………. But back to his huge dick
Every time Pete gets a boner it’s indecent exposure
You glimpse it limp and think he’d be a shower, until you see he’s a GROWER
You let it hang and it starts keeling you over, it’s funny we’re doing this for Pat Stay
And I’m with a man who has to wrap his leg around with a thousand pound rattlesnake
And it’s true I’m bout to be a father, so you were my rap inspiration now you’re my dad inspiration
Cause you fit with fatherhood better than khakis with ASICS, classic Van Halen and back inflammation
I’ll show my son the right path when I raise him
So when he’s like “Dad, you’re the greatest”
(Slap) “You shut your mouth! The Saurus is the GOAT… this damn generation”
I know you came for a real battle — this is the realest battle I've ever had with Pete
And any format where we match up it’s a classic, that’s the energy we keep
From Rich opening our Jump Off clash to now, we’ve had a legendary streak
And history’s a circle that just endlessly repeats
It all ends where it begins...

[PoRich to Kid Twist]
You should've put me in Bodied

[Kid Twist]
So now the legacy's complete!