[Round 1: Baby J]
Aight, y'all ready?
Alright, yo, I said, I'm here off the strength of my debut, and I made the list
I know some people hate this shit
But I said, “I’mma need much room (mushroom). I gotta take this trip.”
To L.A., where some of the greatest spit, and the dankest piff
Just to put you in a bodybag by my lonesome on some gangsta shit
While it would take you 28 G’s just to make a zip
See, my shock value? Enlightening on some Raiden shit
And yo’ girl like my Styles ‘cause the wave is lit
You didn’t have her on lock, so (L.O.X) she came to me to give J the kiss (Jadakiss)
See, so don’t bring up no beef shit
I’mma tell you to stick a fork in it
But how are y’all gonna give Random Baby like a orphanage?
Makes no fuckin’ sense, but no…
I know you’re familiar with the team, helpin’ each other
We built an army - you can’t take the crew’s aid (crusade) from it
I learned not to get big-headed like a blueface hunnid
But when it comes to battle rap, they’re sayin’ the new age run it
And from the jump, man (Jumpman)...
I been waitin’ for doors to open, and all of ‘em (k)new J’s comin’
You know, people wait for doors to open when the n- fuck it
Now I’m on main stage, like I did some shit that the veterans did
Maybe it’s the way Baby spit: someone get him a bib
See, my pistol’s my problem-solver
Makes sense why I did better in trig’...
Or I’ll get the blade, and it’s like Scooby-Doo: I’ll just stick the metal in (meddlin’) kids
So yo, so try to run up on me and the fif’ will pop
Word on the street, I got mo’ crystal rock than a hippie shop
But my girl make my moves for me
She’s the one who let ‘em hit the rock
And the money my Baby Got Back ‘cause she put ‘em on the glass
Goes to show a fiend respects her mix a lot (Sir Mix-a-Lot)
And we in Cali, right?
We in Cali, right? (Yeah!)
Alright, so you gotta make sure whatever you say hard-hits
They want me to battle now, so everything on the radar has switched
But you’re a decent writer
I was kinda glad when they made our picks
But don’t talk about shootin’ and how the only thing you’ll give to J are Smiths (J.R. Smith)
‘Cause you’re a fuckin’ bitch - time
[Round 1: Random]
Baby J, huh?
I pictured him more...deformed and small
Were you born this tall?
Somethin’s still shady
I’m startin’ to feel maybe like you not even a real baby
Nah, but I came here to battle a nutty West spitter
Instead I got...MyVerse’s ugly stepsister
I mean, this is supposed to be my chance to shine!
An amateur wit’ the stars
But thanks to Marlo, I’m not even the most random battler on the card
Nah, I coulda been at the last Bunker
Day 1 wit’ the other GZ dweebs
But I kicked back
Now I’m same day as mainstage on PPV
So don’t be believin’ he’s on the same league as me
I put money on the card: that’s an EBT
I mean… oh, you guys are gonna like this
I mean, Jesus, genius, you don’t generate an ounce of fame
J ain’t a G - they just pronounced the same
Let’s get this sentiment clear: we never been peers
Of all the gentlemen assemblin’ here
Only I make Caustic’s nose tremble in fear!
Aye, and normally-
Normally I’ll wear some type of wild drawstring or nylon thing
But I ain’t even gonna style on him
‘Cause how’s this guy gon’ win against Qui-Gon Jinn?
I’m real-life Top 6 on Dylan’s list!
A freelancer...so long as someone covers the fee
I’ll travel anywhere and fuck up the scene
I’ll put 20,000 leagues under the sea
Tryna mine me a profit
I got ideas, options
I built a fanbase: I been IKEA shoppin’
So you damn skippy, boss
I’m a bad kid to cross
You couldn’t name a battle I’ve lost
So excuse me speakin’ highly of myself like Madlib and Quas
And anybody who said you got a talented squad?
Well, they’re just kiddin’ (kid and), cat...Calvin and Hobbes
I bodied your boss
Now sonny next to try - well
I’m the legend that beat Cipher: Doug E. Fresh and Rahzel!
You just entered the scene and already it’s diluted
Don’t try, stupid
What, you wanna die? Lu did!
[Baby J]
Facts!

[Random]
I’ll catch him nighttime at the studio, late when they producin’
Just Footsteps in the Dark where Baby makin’ music
You a poor specimen
Homie, the numbers provin’ y’all suck
I’m George Jefferson: show at the Bunker, then I’m Movin’ On Up!
That’s 1!

[Round 2: Baby J]
Alright, yo
I said, I didn’t give a fuck who my next opponent was
‘Cause I’m tryin’ to beat my last performance
I got offered Don’t Flop before my first battle even dropped, so you’re not that important
I even turned it down
They’re like, “Why aren’t you takin’ it, bro?”
I said, “It’s because I’m an artist before a battler. I was gettin’ paid for a show.”
‘Cause you know, what I write in the loose-leaf’s godly
Performed over new beats, gained some groupies prolly
Sold a few tees outta my hoopty, then I’ll be
Headed to ATL to hear Lu speak and see QP bodied
All facts - happen in one weekend
But enough about me
I tried really hard to watch a Random battle...
And I’d honestly rather watch some random battle
Fuckin’ corny
Anyways, I turned it on and thought you were the guy in the back who was always dyin’ to rap
Don’t get it twisted - I was a guy in the back, but I was supplyin’ a pack
See, if I spare his life, I’m retirin’ cat
So take shots, we don’t ceasefire
We acquire a gat
And get it poppin’ like a winter house party
That means we firin’ (fire in) back
See, and on some boss shit, I’m givin’ you some punchin’ (punch in)
So it’s only right that you have to work
But talk about how he got bags of purp?
I’mma treat him like every time I’m at the airport
I’m ‘bout to get Random searched!
I said, you prolly grew up in a only-white neighborhood
My only white neighbor hood
Alright, no, for real, I said…
I keep a Maggie close, like the baby of Marge - at least-
A (Lisa) few mo’ (Moe) shots will be taken like when you and a bartend’ meet
There’s no debate on who’s winnin’, no need for the RNC
But don’t expect any type of slowdowns from R and B (R&B)
And there’s a reason why I get my respect
It’s ‘cause I show enough love
You think I’m the next (necks) to choke? I’ll show you what a Cobra Clutch does
I got a red .380, and it hold enough slugs
When it bang, it’ll make any Crip start throwin’ up Blood
See, and after this battle- second battle ever, on King of the Dot
After this battle, my stock risin’ fast
And if you guys get in my way, two .9s and a semi spray
You steal a bar, we’ll re-act on-site like…Whose Line Is It Anyway?
And all the guns drew...carried (Drew Carey) by the team, and they all heavy ones
It’s a judged battle, I guess
But it’s my second battle ever on the Bunker
So technically, I already won
Time
[Round 2: Random]
That was clearly prewritten, man

By now...feels like I shoulda earned a nursing degree or joined a surgical team
‘Cause I keep puttin’ on scrubs and it just isn’t workin’ for me
I got a few paid flights, but I need 2K live
Gotta build a profile just to do a pro foul
I said, pick-and-roll out, give-and-go style
Baby, this a great assist
You take a shot, but...aim and miss
A D-Block fan: I’ll raise a fist for J to kiss (Jadakiss)!
But you strapped in the car?
Baby seat - buckle him up
My last battle was a body, but it wasn’t enough
I need a couple in a row like the Tunnel of Love!
I said, I had the best pen in Texas
Ain’t gotta write a letter to send a message
I could sleep and still eat: bed and breakfast
Homie, I got a lot to teach you
I’d have to try not to beat you
Your trip end in ruins: Machu Picchu!
‘Cause no lie...I’ve been gettin’ called “Gjonaj” this whole time!
(*The audience cracks up at that bar*)
I’ve been gettin’ called “Gjonaj” this whole time and I can’t bear it
Y’all keep comparin’ Jafar to his pet parrot!

Hey, Gjonaj - I’ll battle you

Tell whatever set he repped I’ll (reptile) promise them he’s dead
After I skin this snake alive and leave a body in the shed
But if we box, he not ready
My punches shred a (Shredder) squad: Bebop and Rocksteady!
I said, Baby, you not just bad
You part of an obnoxious fad with all the swag of a pop-up ad
The type of shit his dumb ass is on
He’d prolly go to see a movie wit’ his sunglasses on
But fuck rappin, dawg
Between shirts and shows, you hardly get a cent
Your music’s not successful when all your bets depend on polyester blend
I mean, any profit he netted from dope bangers is immediately invested in coat hangers
You getting paid off rap?
It is funny…
You gettin’ paid off rap? I do not believe
Your CDs sellin’ 10 copies each is not a hot release
You kept a career alive more from boxing tees (T’s) than Rocky III
Doggie, please!
And honestly, I’m glad you and your people made it through
But you really ain’t paid your dues
My hard work put us on the pay-per-view
So throw me a shirt, and get my brother Jason too
‘Cause between me and Baby, who’s really makin’ moves for Waystid crew?
Man, that’s two

[Round 3: Baby J]
Yo, I said, this geeky little bitch look like Ibrahimovic
We got soccer fans - alright, cool
But no, for real, I said…
Jesus Christ, he’s just nice...that’s a Esco bar (Escobar)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
You gotta pay me to write (ride) on a track...that’s a Metro car
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
I said, nah, it’s the third round, so let’s go hard
I’mma do this for my West Coast stars
Pay attention
I said…
I could body you and leave no evidence
I’m not the one to test - if I (testify)
Think this cat’s buggin’, I’mma have to push this pest aside (pesticide)
See, I got answers for these squares if you think your life should be jeopardized
We could throw hands, but he don’t wanna dance
You really think I’mma let trick (Electric) Slide?
Shiiit…
Fuckin’ idiot
You must be out your damn mind
I’m underground, but one step, I could blow up: that’s a land mine
And wit’ music, I speak about quick flippin’, and kids listen
‘Cause it’s about makin’ a profit, not spendin’ cheese, big pimpin’
You don’t see my wrist glisten or candy-paint whip drippin’
But you’ll jet when I raise two deuces over your head: Rich Nixon
That was stupid, son: Chris Griffin

Some reaction - let’s go

[Random]
It was from me, though

[Baby J]
Nah, but if I ever find out that you’re zip-twistin’, baggin’ the weed up
I’m packin’ the nina
Run in your spot and in the end (Indian) take all yo’ shit: Sacagawea
See, what I take from you I will sell (Cell) when it goes from the Trunks back in the freezer (Frieza)
And I know y’all caught that Dragon Ball shit, but you’re sick of those types
But just know every time I re-up, I gotta pick a low (Piccolo) price
See, everything you brew? Watered-down: that’s a Michelob Light
And in the first round, I said you’re decent
That’s the first time I ever lied...in a rap
But nah, ‘cause honestly, this dude sucks
I’m too clutch
He think he got a drive like me, so (miso) I’m souped up
Three ‘Ks, you in the crossfire: Ku Klux
This shit is crazy
You could bring the Navy and still get your crew cut
Nah, but they said the more beef you got in between yo’ bread, it would better the man - which (Manwich)
Makes me wonder why this dude act like a bitch
Get him a transcript
If you owe me money, it’s like a movie
I’ll pay someone to send him a (cinema) damn clip
But the frequent C's I'm around said, "It's about what he owes you. It depends on the band width."
'Cause you know, frequencies depend on the bandwidth?
But anyways, I said, I keep it cool
It's not 'cause I'm lackin' aggression
I still give off this lastin' impression
I know some shottas that make anything happen in seconds
So when I fold you, I'll have a bag wit' your name on it like Waystid's packaging method
Nah, but for real, my last shit
I said, I know you tryin' to be the one man
But I'm tryin' to be the best Asian
But instead they gave me Random 'cause Dumb ran
Time

[Round 3: Random]
That was dumb...

You talk a lotta drug shit
May be better the less y'all know
His poor mama, we seen a whole soap opera mess unfold
When J turned to H, no habla español
You know how I know that J's been a snitch for days?
'Cause when he got locked, it shifted to a lower case (lowercase)
Another poser they givin' to me
If Baby J in the yard, it's a Nativity scene
You don't fit the vision, dude
The fact's on the card: this a Trivial Pursuit
I don't know why you ever wrote a rhyme or tried bars
Lookin' like you get around in a motorcycle sidecar
And what girl thinks this creep's cute? Any?
Lookin' like Steve Buscemi got into speed too heavy!
I bet he had that mustache since the end of 2003
I'll make sure soon as you enter, you're out the league
White as fuck, commandin' respect from the hood: I'm Emperor Palpatine
Shoulda never been doubtin' me
I served my time to earn my shine
If I ain't next up, I'm first in line
I tried to find a different way, but you're in mine!
So scram, fam', or just die standin'
This a bad plan, you wanna try Random
My advantage is gigantic
You been played to death: dance band on the Titanic!
So if I'm in the same boat as this little shit
He's takin' Fredo on a fishin' trip
Listen, skip-

Yeah, yeah
You'll get that

[Baby J]
Shout out Fredo

[Random]
Takin' Fredo on a fishin' trip
Listen, skip, fuck rappin' bars wit' mijo
I'm here to sabotage your ego
I gotta prove this the battle card for me, though?
Start wit' a sucker gettin' rocked: Jurassic Park mosquito!
I said, if this is a contest of which one of us write best
You seein' dog leave Earth: this a Russian flight test!
I'm Fox McCloud
Where I reside, you not allowed
See God eye-to-eye and talk Him down
Or leave Him high and dry...cottonmouth!
I'm always ready for the test
I been steady turnin' heads
'Til kids repeat every word he says like the Gettysburg Address
I've walked the lion's path, savage cat environment
Adapt to the habitat or die in it
Where you'd last as long as...battle rap retirement
I'm surrounded by top pens, but all I see are non-threats
I look around, it's more plates seen in my head than a Vietnam vet!
And it's nonsense
Standout of the event, I can promise
Whatever the context
I'm the mother-fucking King, no Oedipus complex
Killing clones on the nightly
Whatever opponent it might be
I'm not even different...there's just nobody like me
I never followed a dream, this was all in the plan
And I never caught a body, just let 'em fall where they stand
I'm U-ZA!