[Spoken Intro]
This song was written by myself, Ninja Brian
With a little shoutout to our friend, Egoraptor
Who came up with the title
And told us no one but idiots would make a title
Or a song with a title that stupid, you know what I'm saying
This song's called Unicorn Wizard

[Verse 1]
Riding straight out of your imagination
Using my magic to fight against crime
Destroying evil with powers most awesome
Protecting the weak almost all of the time
But not on Sundays, Game of Thrones is on
Now is the time for a man of conviction
The world needs a hero and I am that guy

[Chorus]
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Riding for justice on a comet of stars
With the help of my sidekick, Princess Handjob
I'm more awesome and smarter than I already are
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Spells are amazing and my reflexes quick
My horn is my strength and my strength is my power
And my power is my horn, my horn is my dick
[Verse 2]
My life is a party, the guests are supermodels
Operation: I Rule is a total success
Each day, I invent a new form of karate
Changes the way that Japan views the West
Now that's progress! Douitashimashite!
Then, we retire to the Chamber of Passion
Bathe in pool of strawberries and cream
Strawberries rub and exfoliate gently
Cream travels places you can't even dream

[Chorus]
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Just like Danny Sexbang, I'm handsome and strong
With the help of my hellhounds, Tinkles and Gary
Punish the wicked then break into song
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Superhero for the entire human race
My wand casts a spell that will unlock the door
The wand is my junk and the door is your face

[Outro]
The door is your face, ladies and gentlemen
The door is your face
Bring it home, Ninja Brian
That's, that's not bringing it home
Please bring it home
Okay
Brian, bring it home, please
Thank you, flawless