[Verse 1]
I met a girl a few weeks ago
She's so smart and beautiful
When she's around, I feel my heartbeat
Down in the very depths of my soul
So c-c-c-c-c'mon, Ninja Brian, pack your bags
We're going on a cross country trip
Cause if this girl and I go on one more date
We'll start a meaningful relationship
Fuck that! (Woo!)

[Chorus]
Let's hit the road, I was so close to
Personal growth, so California, here I come
I wanna bone across the nation
Let's bust a load of summer fun

[Verse 2]
I porked most of New York
I banged 'em silly in Philly
I had 'em screaming for Baltimore
I slapped my groin on Des Moines
And dropped my phallus in Dallas
We're only halfway through day four
I g-g-g-g-gave some C to DC
Bust coconuts on Miami
I shot puree on Santa Fe
I gave some Penix to Phoenix
And my nuts rattled Seattle
So hard, they felt it in L.A
Take that! Yeah!
[Chorus]
Now here we are in California
These girls are hot and Brian bought us a new yacht
(He killed the previous owner)
Let's raise the sail for a gonad-venture
This Boner Quest has just begun

[Verse 3]
I left 'em smitten in Britain
And had sex so hard with Lima
It landed in Argentina
Then things got Beejy in Fiji
I had a four-way in Norway
And started breedin' with Sweden
New Zealand got a blast of my semen
I did some butt stuff with Russians
Until they got a concussion
I banged-ladesh
Now there's only one way to keep things fresh, cause

[Chorus]
I've conquered earth, it is time to move on
Let's take a rocket, find some hot alien sluts
(Set phasers to thrust)
No time for spacesuits, I am way too horny
Let's show this galaxy what's- (augh!)