[Verse 1]
Since I moved into your place
One year ago, today
Our relationship has deepened
In a spiritual way
As time's swept gently forward
And winter's turned to spring
I know you so much better
'Cause I've fucked all your things
I put my package in your mailbox
Made love to all your chairs
Dropped a load inside your washer
Went down on all your stairs
I took your cabinets from the front and
Your sofa from behind
I looked deep into your vacuum's eyes
And then, we sixty-nined

[Chorus]
Thanks in advance for not judging me on
This aspect of my soul
When I dick-smash all of your belongings
Is when I'm finally whole
(Oooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo)
(Hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo)
(Ow!)
[Verse 2]
I boned your couches and your telephone
And all your scented candles
And your dictionary, fish tank
And the pictures on the mantle
I had sex with your whole kitchen
With no boundaries or limits
And your lamp was looking so good
That you know I had to hit it
Your wallet and your toothbrush
And your jacket and your red hat
Oh, you're mad about the toothbrush?
Just forget I ever said that
And your carpet and your furniture
Your windows and the curtains
And I licked your stamp collection
I dicked your floor for certain

[Outro]
I'm glad I got this off my chest
My soul has taken flight
Don't slam the door on your way out, darling
Because I'm slamming it tonight