[Verse 1]
Oh my fucking god!
That shit was totally amazing
Your brain cannot even comprehend
So much pants-shitting excitement
For the sake of your couch, I hope you're wearing Depends
We learned so many things together
Japan is weird and French people are mimes
This film had ten scenes of action
And everyone, together said "Fuck!" twenty-one times (Yeah!)

[Chorus]
Dick figures! Dick figures!
You just watched a whole fucking movie of…
Dick figures! Dick figures!
Bow before them and renounce your previous god
Dick figures! Dick figures!
Someone get a doctor 'cause this movie's fucking totally sick
You asked and they delivered
If you don't like Dick Figures
It's not hard to figure out, you're a dick

[Verse 2]
I counted ten fucking explosions
And jetpack demon ninjas that rocked your face
Your life was a hot pile of garbage
Now you're so excited that you're nutting all over the place
One of those explosions was an octopus
Sorry for the spoiler but it's your fault
That'll teach you to listen to the soundtrack
Before you watch the movie
I mean, for Godsake, who does that you stupid piece of--
[Chorus]
Dick figures! Dick figures!
They saved the world, what do you think about that?
Dick figures! Dick figures!
You just watched them, you're so lazy and fat
Dick figures! Dick figures!
You love them with all of your stupid heart and also part of your chode
You asked and they delivered
Our movie's too great, it made your junk explode

[Outro]
Oops, our bad, sorry about your junk
Just kidding, fuck you!
Dick figures!