MRS TEAVEE:
Loompaland. There's no such place.

WONKA:
I assure you, dear lady, there is.

MRS TEAVEE:
Mr. Wonka, I teach geography.

WONKA:
Ah, well in that case, you know all about it!
It really is the most charming story...

I was searching the dark green jungle
For a tree called the Theobroma
Like a sweet Margaret Mead
I let my nose lead
To its heavenly chocolate aroma

But the jungle was filled with snozzwangers!
Hornswagglers and wicked wangdoodles!
Who would make you their lunch
As your bones they would crunch
As they boiled your limbs for noodles

But no wretched beast
Would make me their feast
For my sword is as swift as lightning!
One by one they all fell
Though the ooze and the smell
They emitted was twice as frightening
Then from high in the trees
I heard foreign "Whoopee!"s
Then the source of the sound
Were all there on the ground

Barely up to my knee
They all screamed
"We're all free!"
And the sound of their bliss,
It went something like this:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
(Ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa-loo
(Ca-ca-cao-cao)
Ai ai ai ai!
(Oompa-loompa want it)
Now now now
(Ai ai ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa wanna
(Chew chew chew!)

WONKA:
Gesundheit

FEMALE OOMPA-LOOMPA:
Thank you!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
A-loompa-loompa-loo!

WONKA:
Oh, did I mention?
They're marvelous dancers!

Well they all dressed me up like a hero
They were breathless
And simply elated
Explanations were sung
In their strange Loompish tongue
Though for you now we'll gladly translate it

MALE OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
The beast hoarded all of our chocolate
Those disgusting vermicious killers
Yes, those monsters all thrived
As we barely survived
On a diet of mashed caterpillars

FEMALE OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
Through the months and the years
other dull chocolatiers
Met their fate in the monsters' saliva
FEMALE OOMPA-LOOMPA:
Poor Signor Ghirardelli
now lines monster belly

MALE OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
With Herr Lindt

WONKA:
And Lady Godiva

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
But your magic machete
Turned beasts to spaghetti
Each hornsnozz and wang
You took down with a bang!

And it's safe now to chow
On the beans called cacao

WONKA:
And to celebrate it,
here's their number one hit!

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
(Ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa-loo
(Ca-ca-cao-cao)
Ai ai ai ai!
(Oompa-loompa want it)
Now now now
(Ai ai ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa wanna
(Chew chew chew!)

WONKA:
Gesundheit

FEMALE OOMPA-LOOMPA:
Thank you!

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
A-loompa-loompa-loo!

WONKA:
They asked me
"How can we repay you
For bringing beans back to our lives?"
I said, "If you like this buffet, you
Will simply flip if you see my factory!"

And then an Oompa they called Hoffa
Stepped forth and said

HOFFA:
Make us an offa'

WONKA:
I said,
"I'll pay you in beans
If you man my machines"
He said,

HOFFA:
I ain't no schnook
We want beans every break!

WONKA:
I agreed and we shook
With a chocolate shake!

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
Now we sing and we dance

WONKA:
But they hate wearing pants

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
We all live in a dorm

WONKA:
And they love to perform!

OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
Every wife is exotic

WONKA:
Though that one's neurotic

The fun won't diminish!
And now, here comes their big finish!


OOMPA-LOOMPAS:
(Ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa-loo
(Ca-ca-cao-cao)
Ai ai ai ai!
(Oompa-loompa want it)
Now now now
(Ai ai ai ai!)
Oompa-loompa wanna
(Chew chew chew!)

WONKA:
And now thanks to that tree
This "me"'s now a "we"

ALL:
And we're all one big
Oompa-Loompa family!

Gesundheit!