I put a gun to my head,-
And before i pulled the trigger this is what i said

Dear everybody

I don't think anybody understands me,-
It's like they don't see the things that i can see /(can see - can't see)/

Maybe i'm just trippin' today,-
But for a while i've been fallin' into the darkness of a seemingly bottomless pit 'n it feels like all hope is just slippin' away,-

Cause it's hard to'''still go on when stuff,-
Just gets harder and i don't'''feel so stron'''g 'n tough,-
But i'm fuckin' done this shit has gone on/i've allowed this shit to go lon''g enough

-SEE LIFE'S LIKE A GAME AND I DON'T WANNA PLAY IT,-
BUT I CAN'T PAUSE OR SAVE IT-AND I'M SO TIRED OF IT I FEEL LIKE I MAY QUIT,-
I FEEL CONSTIPATED-LIKE LIFE'S FULL OF SHIT 'N I CAN'T TAKE IT,-
I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP ON LIFE I AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT,-
I'M DYIN' TO BECOME FAMOUS 'N I WANNA PUT ON A REAL SMILE I DON'T WANNA FAKE IT,-
LIKE MIKE TYSON I'M FIGHTIN' FOR MY LIFE,-
EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE FIGHTIN' URGES JUST TO NOT KILL MYSELF WITH THIS GUN 'N PEN I USE WHILE WRITIN' OR MY KNIFE,-

'n I'd be lyin' if i say i've never regretted bein' born while i'm'''weepin' screamin' or ever thought of takin',-
My own life cause i'm so tired of it i try to go to'''sleep 'n dream 'n forever not awaken
But nightmares assault my thoughts while i'm sleepin'-and torment my mind while i'm dreamin'-
And my life's a nightmare so it's like the only way i'll rest in peace 'n,-
Feel comfortable is if i die or that's how it's atleast seemin'-
Cause i'm an insomniac and i'm so tired of life sometimes i wish i'd never wake up or just cease breathin',-

-a deceased demon'you can find me in hell cause i dwell there,-
Livin' on welfare,-i'm wounded inside but i can't afford healthcare,-
Where is the wealth share?-
I feel like i'm dying i'm poor and i need help but they say the idea i'm supposed to earn money myself's fair,-

'n i wish i could work but my body's broke and it feels like there's almost'''less than nothin' i can do,-
A lot of people criticize me like they don't understand what it's like when there's a demon inside'''wrestlin' tuggin' fightin' you,-
So they call me a liar but they don't know the pain or'''stress 'n strugglin' i been through,-
I'm so lonely i have low self esteem and no confidants which i could trust 'n confide into,-

I can't even trust or turn to 'n confide in my own family,-
And doctors aren't even interested in my bullshit they just want their damn money

'n my situation's slowly become like this ever since october 2011,-
My first cross country race 'n since then i've been suspicious of heaven,-
When shit just got worse 'n i realized everything i've worked so hard'''to gain is fallin' apart,-
'n the stress is all in my head but it feels like'''the pain is all in the heart,-
I was almost out of options until i picked up rap 'n decided to involve in the art,-
I felt hellbound,-
I had noone like life alert to pick me up when i fell down,-on my frail ground-
When i moved into my grandmas house estranged mentally 'n eventually i lost it 'n went to jail town,-
Like my family some people call me a hypochondriac but trust me,-
I'm sick of livin' in this world it disgusts me,-
Sometimes i contemplate killin' myself wonderin' if this how life must be,-
I wonder if it's just me,-but see-
-i never had a broad shoulder to cry on,-
I havn't seen my father and the only one who supported me was my mom
I guess bygones'll be bygones,-

Though my ma and i are constantly brawlin' 'n fightin',- (ma - grandma/mom)
So i keep scrawlin' 'n writin'-in my diary bawlin' 'n cryin'-

But no matter how much i suffered from the'''fightin' pressure 'n struggled with strife'''with my ill mother,-
Or'''i endeavored in trouble with life'''i still love her,-
See i've always wished i woulda lived a happy peaceful life like some other kid,-
I've always dreamed and yearned for someone else to love me and care for me like my(mum)mother did,-
'n i still remember how i felt about my sister miranda when she died,-
'n the moments i spent with my mother while we cried,-

But even my mom didn't understand me and i was godforsaken by an absent dad,-
And somehow i became this demon monster but all i wanted was the happy life i hadn't had,-
Always sad 'n mad,-'n actin' glad when sad,-
I felt like i was too cursed,-
I waited and hoped for the best but in time the pain only grew worse,-
It's like i was hellbound since birth so it wouldn't have mattered if i knew first,-
Of the pain i'd have to endure so i speak to you all to prepare you so you''''won't see 'n go through,-
What i have and people judged me but it pisses me off when people make assumptions about you when they'''don't even know you,-
They don't understand real shit-or feel it,-
'n i don't really wanna appeal to that demographic of people but i still spit,-
The ill shit-'n kill it-though i feel like i might still quit,-

Cause i just wanna leave this world i don't fit in or belong here,-
I wanna make this song clear (this song clear)

Cause although i've been full of ambition i'ma probably leave this world with a bunch of un'''spoken big regrets,-
I never became a famous boxer or rapper or made the world a better place plus i never convinced my mom to quit smokin' cig'''arettes,-

Plus i never apologized to my friends for inexplicably cuttin' our ties to live recluse cause i became a nerd awkward socially,-
I lost almost everybody who's ever been close to me,-i look at my life 'n wonder if this is how it's supposed to be,-
This isn't what i wanted but this is who i chose to be,-

Like i said i'm unsociable,-emotional,-
'n i would be so tired of life i wouldn't even wanna wake up in the mornin' to go to school,-

Cause i was always gettin' beat on,-
'n i got sick of gettin' used by hoes tryin' to get answers from me for the test they wanna cheat on,-

Fast forward to the present i tried to drop out cause physical pain 'n stress 'n to me it seemed the people around me were showin' no care,-
I had no plans for the future i became suicidal livin' off my mom 'n it seemed to me like my life was goin' no where,-
But this is where i'm at now so i feel like it's pointless for me to go there,-

So anyways back to the past i didn't see what the point of goin' to school is,-
Is it to acquire an education or to be the coolest,-
Cause when i went all i did is go to sleep or get harrased by bullis,- (bullies)
Teasin' me cause i'm a lame kid,-
I just wanted to be popular 'n famous like these celebrities but i look at them 'n see what the fame did

'n right now i'm busy bein' sick of puttin' up with bullies that think they're bad 'n tough,-
I've had enough,-i'm done tryin' to act glad 'n bluff-
Like my life's fine always mad 'n huff,-
Life's just so sad 'n rough,-
And it only gets progressively worse as if it wasn't already bad enough,-
I've said it once 'n i'll say it again fuck everyone i've had enough,-

I've had enough of waitin',-
To die soon this is torture /i'm/ constantly feelin' bad 'n suffocatin',-
Slowly dyin' from anxiety attacks my throat al'''ways is short of breathe,-
I hang onto hopes of goin' to a better place they call heaven contemplatin' how i'''may resort to death,-

Cause i don't belong in this world i'm a misfit,-
I didn't even have a choice bein' brought here i wish i never existed,-
/i don't blame anyone but everyone is who i'm pissed at...every birthday celebration i ever had dad you missed it/
I wish i could go back to the happier days of my childhood i really miss it,-
I'm tired of life 'n i'm sick of this shit,-
So don't be surprised if i'm found in a hot water filled tub with my wrists slit,-
I have many reasons to die but just one real reason to live but i don't wanna list it,-
It's too late,-'n i guess now it's time for me to face my due fate,-
This is the result of true hate,-

And i sincerely apologize to all those i love who may be affected by this please don't be mad mother,-
And as for miranda i'm sorry i was a bad brother,-
But father you can go to hell yeah dad fuck ya
Fuck you if you didn't care for me,-
Fuck you if you weren't there for me,-
Fuck you if you neglected me,-
Fuck you if you expected me,-
Fuck you if you let me down and fuck you if you never protected me,-
Fuck you if you painfully affected me,-
Fuck you if you never respected me,-
Fuck you if you objected me,-
Fuck you if you corrected me,-
Fuck you if you rejected me,-
I'm a piece of shit i say it proudly,-loudly,-
Fuck you if you doubt me,-
Fuck you if you kicked me while i was down,-
Fuck you if you laughed at me like i was a clown,-
Fuck you if you hate me basely,-
Fuck you those of you that made me crazy,-
Fuck you if you don't support me,-
Fuck you if you try to extort me,-
Fuck you if you treat me like i'm dorky,-
Fuck if you if you don't show respect for me,-
Fuck you think my raps are corny,-
Fuck you if you don't feel my story,-
Fuck you if you ignore me,-
And fuck you if you abhor me,-
Fuck you if you judge me,-i refuse to let any of you haters budge me,-
Fuck you if you're makin' assumptions thinkin' you''''understand me or(uh)know me,-
If you're one of these people then we're done ya can't be my(muh)homie,-
Fuck everyone i hope you all die slowly,-
Fuck everybody!
Yeah fuck me too!
I'm fuckin' done,-
Where's my fuckin' gun?- *cock it (load) chick chick*
Three, two, one
*outro*
Goodbye cruel world
Sincerely, Justin Brown *blaow!*