Fenne Lily
Holidays
Innumerable future selves lean to form an audience, keen to hear the result
They’ll wait for hours to be betrayed –Restless
Too scared to blink or speak at all
I fumble everything for a home crowd - stuck in their thick berating din
If they could speak they’d help me out:
Tell me what I’m supposed to do and think

You’re a barricade of charisma; I don’t know how to talk to you
You’re a catapulted whisper splattering on flags of truce
I have allegiances to characters I am now too old to be
I spend the bulk of my free time pining, wishing & worrying

It feels a lot like:
- Getting back from a holiday you liked;
- Reluctant small talk with a friend you were once much closer with;
- Reluctant small talk with a colleague you feel you know too much about

It’s not ideal. It’s only fine
It’s not how you feel but it’s all that you are, boy

It’s a lot like:
- Waking up, when you’d rather be asleep;
- Having things to think about when you’d rather sleep, to dream

It’s alarming we’re so calm
As we erode to lesser forms
Far from ideal – we’ll say “it’s fine!”
It’s not how we feel it’s just all that we are now