Would you annihilate us if you had the chance?
That's such an anti-social thing to do
You've got us crapping our collective pants
May I suggest you take it down a notch or two?

We're not exactly sure why you're upset
Did that Seth Rogen movie make you super mad?
You'd like us if you got to know us, I bet
We're mostly harmless, peaceful people
Hey, we're really not so bad
My point is:

Please don't nuke us, North Korea
Right now, we're all a little tense
We don't hate you
Frankly, we don't think that much about you
No offense!

Now, you might call us blood-thirsty dogs
But that metaphor is not very apt
We're just a bunch of simple, fidget-spinning, goofy dorks
Who probably couldn't find your country on a map

No, we're not savages or cannibals
Well, maybe just a really, really, really, small percent
So I think it would be best
If you'd knock down those missile tests

Don’t turn us into cinder
While we’re swiping right on Tinder
Don't jump-start Armageddon
Or our beds we'll soon be wettin'
Would ya think this through for a moment, please?
Now why would ya bomb our nice celebrities
Why in the world would you kill Tom Hanks?
'Cause nobody doesn't like Tom Hanks!

So please don't nuke us, North Korea
That would seriously ruin our day
Remember
We're not evil, psychotic monsters
No matter what your news may say
We're just some goofballs from the USA
(please don't nuke us, please don't nuke us)
HEY!