Verse 1:
First of all, I'm tired of the stupid YouTube rap
I'ma show you how to do this shit, minus all the crap
I'm not the fire, I'm the match; I'm the one to start the shit
I'll burn you to the ground and extinguish you with piss
Fuck the Sidemen, I can't stand them
Literally a bitch made group, I don't rate them
Shit version of VanossGaming, I just hate them
Now it's time for me to cause a little bit of mayhem

Verse 2:
That Augustus Gloop sidekick (known as Ethan)
A wannabe Nick Crompton but sucks more dick
He has a girlfriend too? Well played
But if he can get a girl (then anyone can get laid)
He's a fat shit too, been years since he's seen his dick
He reminds me of Precious, not black, more thick
You're proof that the smallest bitches make the most noise
But your pockets are the thinnest out the Sidemen boys

Verse 3:
Then there's Vikk, with his Minecraft pick dick
Left his bitch to fuck those Minecraft square pigs
His eyebrows look like pubes, two slugs sliding off his face
You're not a doctor, you are your parents' disgrace

Verse 4:
Simon, you slender looking shit
We fucked the same girl, you got my sloppy seconds, bitch
I hope you bag and tag that bitch and fester in her shit
While you DM to her phone, I was piping her with dick
Stupid prick, starting beef with me
You'll regret that, just like vasectomy
So your master's gone, so you think to try to step to me?
Send another tweet and get an arrow to the knee
You white haired twat, you're a pussycat
You're scared of beef, you run em over like Chief Keef (what?)
You're a runt, you're just a white-haired mother fucker
If you try to step to me, I'll slip inside your mother

Verse 5:
Then there's Tobi, the black Pinocchio
A nose so big it goes from here to Tokyo
We fucked the same girl too, she said your dick is crude
Captain Hook's cock, she said she'd rather curl one out to
I mean, a black man with a tiny dick?
That's like a black man who takes white shits
That's like a black man who doesn't like white chicks
You are a black man who only sucks white dick

Verse 6:
Josh, I'll help you on the lowdown
I'll punch your teeth out, I'll make you look like Danny Brown
You won't struggle when you go down on Freya
Gum punch that bitch till she's screaming (oh yeah)

Verse 7:
But then there's Harry, we know your girl's a cover up
We know you actually just want that dick up (your backhole)

Interlude:
But the Sidemen, you can't step to me
I buy your merch just to clean my Lamborghini

Ending:
Damn straight, join Tank
Fuck the Sidemen, my dick's big
Fuck you, bitch