See, most of my life I never had this
I felt like an outcast, treated like a misfit
Damn near didn't make it on my day of birth
Thinking was I really supposed to be on this planet earth
I take a deep breath, and then another follows
Cause hard ship is kinda hard to swallow
See, it's rough being a loner
Not knowing any given day and time I could wind up a goner
See, people got it bad from jump street
And being short is just another strike against me
I used to get funny looks cause I was small
And trying to make it was like running through a brick wall
Given the odds I was up against, bro
The average brother would've quit a long time ago
But now I've got a record out
I'm doing shows, people paying to see me turn it out
Now I'm the spice around town
It's funny how an album can urn everybody's life around
I got friends and women on my tip
But when they look at Richard all they see is Bushwick
Sometimes I don't know a friend from a foe
And every different day it's a different girl i know
And now that my pockets are getting fat
I'm meeting girls who only wanna juice a black
They tell me that they love me and all that
But really they just wait for me to fall flat
So they can get me for my income
Take me for all I got, and then some
Like Trina, you dig
I messed up and got too attached to the kid
Knowing that she used the baby to use me
Took him out my life, mentally abusing me
But as the time went by I got another slimmy
And she was just like the first one screaming "Gimme"
But not in the exact same way
She had a different type of game she liked to play
Her name was Crystal, she played the quiet type
And for a little while things seemed alright
But just like the first one, homie
When thing's got hectic, the girl broke out on me
And it's getting out of hand, gee
Cause nobody seems to understand me
Reminiscing got me feeling kinda low
I broke out the Ever-Clear and then I drunk some mo'
Until it was all gone
Now I'm looking for somebody to take my pain out on
But not just anybody, gee
I'mma take that on to Mica cause she's the closest to me
Full of that Ever-Clear and high on that buddah
Get to the house all I'm thinking 'bout is shooting her
Yeah, Cause shooting her would be sweet
But you know what'd be sweeter? if I make her shoot me
Call me crazy, but that's what I'm thinking
I'm tripping, Yeah, from all that smoking weed and drinking
But I knew she wouldn't do it on her own, so I provoked her
Punched her, kicked her, and chocked her
She still wouldn't grab the gun
And at that time I wasn't thinking about no one
Damn near crazy I went and grabbed the baby
Held him by the door and said I'mma throw his ass out, ho
She went to crying, somebody stop him
I said: you better grab the gun or else I'mma drop him
She snatched the baby out of my hands
We started fighting, punching, scratching, and biting
When we fell on the bed
All kinds of crazy things was going through my head
So I ran and got the gun and came back to her
Loaded it up and handed the gat to her
I grabbed her hand and placed the gun to my eye muscle
She screamed stop and then we broke into another tussle
Yo, during the fight the gun went off quick
Damn! Aw man, I'm hit
("Aw... my eye, I can't see
Why you shoot me in the eye?
I would've shot you in the body
Why you shot me in the eye?")
Riding in the ambulance everything is hectic
I can't get a grip, I just can't check this
Everybody's crying, could it be I'm dying
Bullet in my head, in the bed was lying
Where's Mica? I wanna tell her I love her
With an IV in my arm I took a picture for an album cover
Aww Man, Situations a trip, gee
5 different doctors with needles trying to stick me
I hear my family hollering he needs us
During the confusion, man, I seen Jesus
My mom's on the phone long-distance from New York
Here comes the doctors again trying to rip me apart
I got a monkey on my back, I can't shake it
I'm having suicidal thoughts, hoping that I don't make it
But I'mma make it cause something's steady urging me
5 hours passed, I made it through surgery
And the doctor said I wouldn't make it through the night
But god told me everything is gonna be alright
And I'm glad that I'm here, gee
But it's messed up I had to lose an eye to see things clearly