Eminem
Baruch College Freestyle
Part I: "Soul On Ice (Diamond D Remix)" - Ras Kass

[Verse]
The final problem is solved by throwin' sulfuric acid all over your back to see your spinal column dissolve
Droppin' bodies like it was domino season
My phenomenal legion will shoot out
Your fuckin' abdominal region
Slim Shady, responsible for your permanent stillness
Just escaped from the hospital with terminal illness
Itchin' to rip your fuckin' frame out
'Cause I ain't got nothing to lose
Like that movie that just came out
Callin' your name out, first, last and your middle initial
Your mom, your dad, and your pregnant widow will miss you
And anybody else poppin' some shit'll go with you
'Cause I ain't tryna hear it like a political issue
So until I can leave with enough funds
I'mma shove guns up in the mouths of your loved ones
Drown 'em face down in the bath while the tub runs
Got a rap sheet that's longer than Tubby's sub buns

Part II

[Verse]
And I'ma kill it, just so y'all think that I can't come off the top
And I'll be forced to rock unorthodox styles from off the top of the dome with a popular poem
Forget a damn team, I can stop you alone
Rappers thinkin' they puttin' out they records 'cause they sell
But they can't't fuck with what me– we doin' here with A.L
Y'all don't wanna do it when we kick it
When we kick the fluid, rappers don't wanna get into it
Y'all knew it 'cause the feds want me
They headhunt me, I'm Ted Bundy
"I ain't dead, I just fled country"
Said bluntly, a cannibal, animal, fed monthly
Eating bread crunchy, cement bed's comfy
Head's lumpy, funky like a dead skunk be
Med flunkie, jump off cliffs with thread bungie
Wearin' red undies and a black cape
Rollin' through the hood cracked out bumpin' your whack tape
I'm comin' through dumpin'
Change your rap name to Richard Jewell
Cause you ain't blowing up nothing
I'm showin' up puffin'
Throwin' up, drinkin'
Killin' braincells 'til I'm slow and not thinkin'
Growin' up stinkin', born with bad odor
Give me Hennessy, but please don't add soda
Now who's doper? You couldn't beat me when I'm sober
I'm off my fuckin' rocker like your grandma tippin' over, Slim Shady

"Son, where you from son?"
"Yo, I'm from Detroit city"
"Uh huh"
"I'm bout to do a little something like this
A little something like this."
"Ok, drop that shit."
"Bust it, bust it"

Yo, I hang with a bunch of hippies
And wacky tobacco planters
Who swallow lit roaches and light up like jack-o-lanterns
Outsidaz baby, and we suin' the courts
Cause we dope as fuck and only get a two in the Source
Yo, they never shoulda booted me outta reform school
Deformed fool, taking a shit in a warm pool
Till they threw me out the Ramada Inn
I said it wasn't me, I got a twin
(Oh my God, it's you! Not again!)
It all started when my mother took my bike away
Cause I murdered my guinea pig
And stuck him in the microwave
After that, it was straight to the forty ouncers
Slappin' teachers and jackin' off in front of my counselors
Class clown freshman, dressed like Les Nessman
Forget the next lesson, I'll pass the test guessin'
And all the other kids said "Eminem is a thizz head
He'll never last, the only class he'll ever pass is phys-ed"
Maybe true, 'til I told this girl in gym class
That she was too fat to swim laps she need a Slim Fast
(Who? Me?) Yeah, girl you so big
You stepped, walked into Vic Tanny's
And stepped on Jenny Craig
She picked me up to snap me like a skinny twig
Put me in a headlock, then I thought of my guinea pig
I felt the evilness and started transformin'
It began stormin', I heard a bunch of cheerin' fans swarmin'
Picked that bitch by her hair, drug her across the ground
And threw her up to the highest
Diving board to toss her down
Sorry coach, it's too late to tell me stop
While I drop this girl face down and watch her belly flop, cause it's like that
And I come in and I start wildin' and shit
Then I be busting a lyric
And rappers don't believe I'm freestyling it
Well here it goes when I'm kicking lyrical flows
From your head to your toes
So that every rapper in this place knows
Cause when it comes to the freestyle
Coming off of the top of the dome
I'm knocking your mouth and ya off, so who you copying off?
Stop being soft, I'm standing on top of your loft
Killing you off slowly, like Roberta Flack
I've never heard of wack
MCs that try to step to me, I'll break your verta-back
Or vertebrae, increase the murder rates
In 79 states... Yo, check it
I'm bout to pass the mic to the next
MC who wanna step up and flex
With the techs, but make sure your shit is fresh
Come on, wreck it, who wanna be next?

It goes like this:
Broke the rubber, busted a nut up in your mother
So how do you feel about having another little brother
Nasty motherfucker, talking trash like a trucker
Snatch your bitch up out your track
I'll smack her up and fucked her
Always talk shit high, smoking chocolate Thai
So y'all can die, just for walking by giving an awkward eye
I've lost my motherfucking marbles
Smelling like a brewery
Droolin' at the way your jewelery sparkles
Head full of charcoal, smoked out brain particles
Burning holes in clothes articles
A retarded fool since I started school
Burned the weed before I learned to read, disregarded rules
Skip the classes to blaze the blunt ashes
Kissing front dashes from smashing up
Cars like stunt crashes
Hall passes for restrooms, chewing mushrooms
Doing rush fumes in the lunch room
Looking nervous, liquor in my thermos
Hung with hermits that carry guns without permits
Staring at the bitch with firm tits
Jacking off, aiming straight for both lips when my sperm spits

Set it off
Rappers get beheaded if they soft
Yo they get they wires crossed
Rappers try to step to me but I'm so ill I'll fire your boss
And this is all freestyle, killing it
While I'm filling it with adrenaline, rappers be feeling it
Like it was braille, so y'all can touch me anywhere
Cause I want you to feel me
Rappers wanna kill me, but they don't thrill me
So check it, I'm bout to wreck when I make the record
Cause I'm, skinny like an anorexic girl headed for the exit
Running butt naked away from just being date raped
Rappers? I twist 'em into a great shape
And throw 'em in the Great Lakes
'Cause I'm from the Michigan state
For fishermans' sake, I throw 'em and toss 'em in
Rappers try to step to me
But this is the Holocaust and you'll never win
Cause I've forever been bent, forever demented
Rappers try to step to me but their shit is sweet-scented
And I'm demented, and if I said it I meant it
Killin' any MC cause I'm Infinite, and when it
Comes to the way that I'm spittin' lyrical infinite ammunition
And putting a clip in this lyrical track that I just be rippin'
Crushing it, killing it, taking your best line and hushing it
Taking your shit and flushing it down the toilet
Taking your biggest plot and foil it
Rappers can't uncoil it, I'll take my shit and aluminum foil it
Then throw it in the microwave and watch burn up
'Cause I'mma blow up
Rappers? I make 'em ill enough to throw up
Don't show up if you come to the battle


"Can I speed it up? Just a little bit?
Alright that's cool. Alright
Bust it, bust it, bust it, bust it, bust it
This one for Quest."

Some people say I'm strange, I tell them ain't shit changed
I'm still the same lame asshole with a different name
Came late to the last show with a different dame
Brain ate from the last O' that I sniffed of 'caine
You know you're spaced the fuck out like George Lucas
When your puke is turning to yellowish-orange mucus
So when I grab a pencil and squeeze it between fingers
I'm not a rapper, I'm a demon who speaks English
Freak genius, too extreme for the weak and squeamish
Burn you alive till you screaming to be extinguished
Cause when I drop the science
Motherfuckers tell me to stop the violence
Start a fire and block the hydrants
I'm just a mean person, you never seen worse than
So when Slim gets this M-16 bursting
You getting spun backwards
Like every word of obscene cursing
On the B-side of my first single with the clean version
Stopping your short life while you're still a teen virgin
Unless you get a kidney specialist and a spleen surgeon
In the best hospital possible for emergency surgery
To try to stop the blood from your
Ruptured sternum internally
I'll take it back before we knew each other's name
Run in the hospital and snatch you out your mother's frame
I'll take it further back than that
Back to Lovers' lane, to the night you were thought of, and
Cock block your father's game
I'll plead the fifth like my jaws were muzzled
So suck my dick while I take a shit
And do this crossword puzzle
And when I'm down with ten seconds left in the whole bout
I'mma no a head-butt so hard, I knock us both out
No doubt