I could never understand what's my purpose in life
And I'm not buying for a second that I'm worth the insight
In light of all the information, I've been hurting inside
And I dunno if I can serve if all my verses are lies, I'm tired
I lie about all of the smallest of things
It's pathologic and I'm talking to the wall as I think
If Mom could buy it for a second, I'll be off in a blink
Maybe Miami, I think I'd pull it off as a shrink
And deep, deep-down that's a problem for me
I never think about the options that are offered for free
And every college that I've thought about or got up to see
Was either too fucking expensive, or it's ROTC
When I was young, I never knew what I had wanted to be
I felt like I'm the only kid that hadn't started to leap
It's like I'm playing Frogger and I'm hopping the street
And just when you think I'm on a log
You see me flop in the creek
And it's about damn time that I'm honest with you
All of these songs that I've been writing are a product of youth
I'm multiplying what I know with what I thought to be true
And I'm implying that I've grown to make it harder to lose
I am an artist, not a part of all these cardigan groups
If Mr. Rogers taught me anything, tomorrow's a new
And pardon me if I've been begging, but your car isn't used
I've been a burden cause I'm hurting and my heart is a fuse that's burning
And it's been curled around my neck in a noose
Since suicide isn't an option, I'll just rest on the stool
If you and I can get along, I'll be a less of a fool
And do or die isn't an option when you're stressing the truth
I'm done, can't even say if it's been futile for me
Cause everyday I tell myself I want a music degree
Cause I don't wanna keep the pay that I am used to be reaping
Minimum wage isn't the way that I will choose to be seen
So ladies, I spit my game like I am majorly weak
My last relationship was painful if I'm saying the least
And I don't blame her, I was lame, and I'd be waiting for weeks
Before I'd say a single word, like I was taking a leave
And at the age of eighteen, I'd like to lay it to rest
I felt depressed and said some things I thought conveyed it the best
As many times as I am sorry, you won't taste the regret
That I've been facing since the day that all that anger was sent
It's been about a half a decade since you named me your ex
And I am proud that I can say that I have changed for the best
I'm feeling better by the day, I'm not in vain or depressed
Just need a second to collect it all and take it in steps
Just laid a friend to rest after I paid my respects
Death has put me in a daze, I think the pain hasn't set
I get away on rainy days to put my anger to bed
When it awakes, I take some paper and my cranium vents
It saves me, and I've been pacing like I usually do
What do you say back to a brain that isn't used to the truth?
And I'm ashamed to know the names of those I threw for the loop
That is an omen, just know it's not a beautiful view
And so, this is me opening my heart in the booth
Who would've known I'd be as lonesome as that parted caboose
My train of thought is off the rails and hasn’t started to move
That's been partly due to trailing when I'm talking to you
So fuck it, I've been keeping it in from day one
There ain't no fun in making music when your label is un-supportive
Even Jordan, only one who's important
Either's ignoring my lyrics
Or he's just pissed I'm putting more into my music
Cause who's the kid who told me to record it?
From spittin' back and forth to putting vids up in the morning?
At this point, it's more than just a door I haven't chosen
The world had open arms and now society is closing on me
Only have about a year to be settled
Guess it's apparent I don't care about my future endeavors
Better to plan ahead and never get what expected?
I fell In love with confessing all of my stress to the pencil
I'm fucking up - all the papers in the courses I cheat
I'm fucking up - all the days that in the mornings I dream
I'm fucking up - all relationships important to me
I'm fucking up my life
I start to think that my reflection is depressing
Been trying to send a message to the man in that dimension
Begin to fear the mirror when it appears inside a restroom
Tears cause it to smear and then he sneers when I upset him
If heaven, is anything like what they tell me it is
I fell for the tricks and get to see what hell really is
It helps me to sit and think about the wealthiest kids
And tell myself not to sell out and let the selfishness win
Fella, carry umbrellas on the sunniest days, there's a cloud that follows round and it's been up in my space
I get the rain in sudden waves, I give a fuck what you say
I promise that I'll be the bombest when I'm up to the plate, so
Thank you all for being patient with me
If I delayed this any longer I'd be craving to breath
And If my conscience has a say, then I'll be waving a peace
But I ain't talking 'bout the pistol partner, c'est la vie